Mikan

Once, she was putting away the left overs from lunch

A tear trickled down her eye, and she turned to the other side 

So I wouldn't see

Said, "No one eats anymore

I used to cook every day..."

And I, hugging her sideways

Printed a kiss on her cheek

Somehow, of late, I've put on a lot of weight

But there were no more left overs
And my mother ceased to cry

She asks mechanically as I pack

If I'll be coming on the weekend
"Yes, momma", my equally mechanical response
"Got nothing better to do anyway"

Once, she said, as I strapped my seat belt, that I should commute 

"it will work out", she explained 

"I will wake you up for Fajr and you shall leave after breakfast

All rejuvenated and peppy

"You

Seem like you don't have breakfast. Often."

I used to run away from home
Of late I seem to never want to leave
Three hours, 250 kms

Momma talks a lot on the phone

When she calls in the mornings

I tug my cell into the crevice of my shoulder
As I struggle to type

Bruised and tense from the last session

"You have a class again today?", she stands at the door

I print another kiss and walk away
When did I start saying goodbye like I'm bidding farewell?

Wish I could recall what she says last

When her silence suddenly interrupts my thoughts

By habit; it's my time to dwell on things uncalled for

While I'm driving her around

She never waits 

"How does he look like? Add Milk to the list.

There is a Henna tomorrow, can you stay?"

Racing along the seconds

So she could say it all, and I would wait until she runs out

Of things to say

To tell her that I loved her

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Momma, I love you so."

"Add Ulker to the list."

Hey, Momma,
My friends say I never talk much, did you know ?

All these hours I was trapped in my car with someone

On the passenger seat spilling their spleens out

And I ,looking ahead into the gloom

It's the mind that spoke to fill in the quietness between their breaths 

Not for a moment did I let my heart stray

Save for this space that I hid away, from you

I learnt to never talk much that words sound meek

And fragmented when they have to scratch up my vocal cords

For a change

That I stutter 

And I find it hard to utter the passages I have practiced all night

While sleep has run off to play a game of hide and seek

Along with the things I was supposed to remember 

And the trifling visions that I wished were real 

Momma, it's because you never listened

And Momma, sometimes I feel like I was robbed of 

Being a daughter 

So I could be a mother
To you, and I had to skip my fresher years

When I didn't know how to woman ,that I got trapped
Behind the face of a child with a chest too ample for my days
And the spirits of a broken boy
And limbs too awkward and small for my whims
A heart too shy and paranoid
Quiet as a grave, some days
Melts in Bohemian Rhapsodies ,some moments
And I never disliked holding your hands while

Walking around the market at 26 years old so you wouldn't get lost

Because it was I, that wanted to hold on to what's left of what I have missed

It is I that wants to cling to earth

So I wouldn't float

And disappear

Momma,

We grew up so fast ,didn't we ?

Scattered around like frightened beads 

Driven by hunger for life and things unseen

A yearning

To get away

Still standing in motion, by the pulls

Of duty

Our umbilical cords dangling from our bellies yet.