De Profundis ii

He asked me
If I've ever been in a dark place, the lantern
On our table flickered, aghast at the disturbance
In the rhythm of my thoughts
A Jazz band was playing in the lobby
"How did you find your
Way back?", he asked in his casual manner
As if he was asking about my day at work or
What I had for lunch
Took me a long time trying to decide if
I should suppress my deflective retort
Molded from cynical humor and poetic sarcasm
But the night was young and
His eyes weren't grinning
So I blew off the dying candle and let my
Guard mix with the soaring smoke
Into the cold air of November
It's like learning how to float, you see
The more you think about drowning
The lower you sink
The more you try to protect the loopholes into your
Inner self, the more it burns
Everywhere
The more you yearn for a stable footing,
The weaker your legs would feel
But keep kicking
Keep moving, someone yells in the background as if
There is some higher purpose for this trial
One they slight, because they don't
Remember its throes anymore
Everything is bathed in a light of wisdom when
Enough years have passed
Stop gazing at heavens all the time
Looking for signs, you will drain all your hopes
Puff your chest with the little faith you can muster and
Let go when
You can't keep it anymore

It's okay,

You can
Take a dip into the dark, for a little bit when your spirits fail
Sink into the bottom where quietness reigns
Sounds are disfigured and fate weighs
Heavy on one's head


Survival is a never ending battle

But nobody tells you that
It makes us look weaker

Perhaps I never did, then, get out
Indeed, I
Only grew used to the dark


I am in the dark place, still

Made it my home, throw cushions and
Crumbled papers

Is it written so clearly on my mien, though

That all it takes is a break to catch my breath
For me to drown beyond reach ?

Letter To The Crab iii

You can't put a finger on your broken, can you ?
You were only taught
That men never cry when it hurts
And all they made was a handful of invalids
Looking for pain killers when they are still bleeding
There is a hole in your chest that you can't fill with
The roars of laughter , and
You seek strangers until you learn their names
Fall in love at first sight
Until you blink
I know, because we are one and the same,
Bearing the burdens of the world, like they
Are solace to our souls, we carry
Tragedy in our soles, with such style
We hug like we can glue a shattered person,
Whole
And yet somehow, we end up sobbing alone against a wall
No wails
Not even echos pat on our shoulders
We
Are the ones that love with a terrifying readiness for martyrdom
That we forget to keep some for our dark parts

We are the ones that swallowed the iceberg
Broke the tips they deigned to notice and yielded them weapons for
Survival,
We are immaculate in our sadness
We are
Humans,
All too human and sad
And I love you for laughing so loud when
Your eyes look so lonely.