السبت، 24 نوفمبر 2018

De Profundis ii



He asked me
If I've ever been in a dark place, the lantern
On our table flickered, aghast at the disturbance
In the rhythm of my thoughts
A Jazz band was playing in the lobby
"How did you find your
Way back?", he asked in his casual manner
As if he was asking about my day at work or
What I had for lunch
Took me a long time trying to decide if
I should suppress my deflective retort
Molded from cynical humor and poetic sarcasm
But the night was young and
His eyes weren't grinning
So I blew off the dying candle and let my
Guard mix with the soaring smoke
Into the cold air of November
It's like learning how to float, you see
The more you think about drowning
The lower you sink
The more you try to protect the loopholes into your
Inner self, the more it burns
Everywhere
The more you yearn for a stable footing,
The weaker your legs would feel
But keep kicking
Keep moving, someone yells in the background as if
There is some higher purpose for this trial
One they slight, because they don't
Remember its throes anymore
Everything is bathed in a light of wisdom when
Enough years have passed
Stop gazing at heavens all the time
Looking for signs, you will drain all your hopes
Puff your chest with the little faith you can muster and
Let go when
You can't keep it anymore

It's okay,

You can
Take a dip into the dark, for a little bit when your spirits fail
Sink into the bottom where quietness reigns
Sounds are disfigured and fate weighs
Heavy on one's head


Survival is a never ending battle

But nobody tells you that
It makes us look weaker

Perhaps I never did, then, get out
Indeed, I
Only grew used to the dark


I am in the dark place, still

Made it my home, throw cushions and
Crumbled papers

Is it written so clearly on my mien, though

That all it takes is a break to catch my breath
For me to drown beyond reach ?










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