Death is such an enigma.You think it's a usual happening,an inevitable toll to be exacted from humanity, a sort of a plague that hits a distant continent and wipes out its residents, but as long as it leaves you alone,all is good.
All is good, until it steals someone close to you.
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News of a demise should never be conveyed through phone. It is an inhumane gesture and extremely crude; as you never know what the person on the other end is doing at that moment ;they might be engaged in a mirthful conversation and thinking that life is quite peachy and gay and generous, when they open their phone and get a terrible,shocking blow.
Not everyone can handle sudden blows to the jaw, It's something else when you don't see it coming.
If one had a weak heart they might lose their footing, or worse, their stability. In that case the bearer of the news becomes an ominous raven that causes another calamity by their lack of tact.
It once happened that a close friend of mine passed out when she heard of her cousin's death. She didn't wail, she didn't have the time; she just fell backwards, and hit her head upon the impact. Just like that.
News of a demise should never be conveyed in a manner that is not coated with caution and delicacy.
But I received a curt text.
It took some time to register at first, and for a while I didn't understand the very shortened text until I read it a few times. And then a fit took possession of me, something that rarely ever happens because i rarely ever lose my composure; I gasped for breath for a few seconds, i could hear my heart beats drumming right through my ears, drowning all the sounds around.
I dropped tears, but they weren't for the deceased, they were for him, his boundless sadness which its echoes i could hear across a thousand miles. His sadness that reached me, and shook my being, vibrating through my limbs and sending shrills through my nerves. I wept for him, and for his suffering that i could hear in his voice, sounding like a a formidable castle about to fall apart.
All is good, until it steals someone close to you.
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News of a demise should never be conveyed through phone. It is an inhumane gesture and extremely crude; as you never know what the person on the other end is doing at that moment ;they might be engaged in a mirthful conversation and thinking that life is quite peachy and gay and generous, when they open their phone and get a terrible,shocking blow.
Not everyone can handle sudden blows to the jaw, It's something else when you don't see it coming.
If one had a weak heart they might lose their footing, or worse, their stability. In that case the bearer of the news becomes an ominous raven that causes another calamity by their lack of tact.
It once happened that a close friend of mine passed out when she heard of her cousin's death. She didn't wail, she didn't have the time; she just fell backwards, and hit her head upon the impact. Just like that.
News of a demise should never be conveyed in a manner that is not coated with caution and delicacy.
But I received a curt text.
It took some time to register at first, and for a while I didn't understand the very shortened text until I read it a few times. And then a fit took possession of me, something that rarely ever happens because i rarely ever lose my composure; I gasped for breath for a few seconds, i could hear my heart beats drumming right through my ears, drowning all the sounds around.
i was scared because i was alone at that time, scared of losing my breath and scared because the ceiling was rotating and getting further for some reason.
I dropped 5 tears. Exactly 5, to my horror and wonder. They dropped on my open notebook and dried up,visible on the white page; an everlasting reminder of all of this... a memento frozen in time. I thought they would evaporate and disappear but they didn't...Probably because of the salt.
Death, it is such an enigma,
I was saddened, I was convulsive and wincing in pain, though i wasn't hurting any where, I cried, but I...wasn't crying because she was gone.
I go on and on about compassion, about being able to relate to others and feel what they feel, but it is only when i'm a witness of the misfortune that befalls someone else. When I'm directly hit by its magnitude and depth..I couldn't relate to her, the most unfortunate of them all..
I dropped 5 tears. Exactly 5, to my horror and wonder. They dropped on my open notebook and dried up,visible on the white page; an everlasting reminder of all of this... a memento frozen in time. I thought they would evaporate and disappear but they didn't...Probably because of the salt.
Death, it is such an enigma,
I was saddened, I was convulsive and wincing in pain, though i wasn't hurting any where, I cried, but I...wasn't crying because she was gone.
I go on and on about compassion, about being able to relate to others and feel what they feel, but it is only when i'm a witness of the misfortune that befalls someone else. When I'm directly hit by its magnitude and depth..I couldn't relate to her, the most unfortunate of them all..
I dropped tears, but they weren't for the deceased, they were for him, his boundless sadness which its echoes i could hear across a thousand miles. His sadness that reached me, and shook my being, vibrating through my limbs and sending shrills through my nerves. I wept for him, and for his suffering that i could hear in his voice, sounding like a a formidable castle about to fall apart.
I was so horrified at my apathy and lack of sentiment I felt bad receiving all these calls, people I haven't heard from for over a year suddenly calling out of courtesy like it's important to make a good impression on a person they've lost their connection with. They would offer their condolences and then disappear for another year or two, when someone else is dead.
Until this moment I still didn't grasp the full reality of my situation, occasionally i'm obliged to make a face and assume a sad tone when i answer a condoling phone call,and momentarily i'm reminded of my spinelessness and apathy, and resort to melancholy brooding for a while. But most of the time i'm fine. I'm perfectly fine,i'm capable of resuming my life with perfect normality one wouldn't doubt that I lost someone close.
Her departure from this life seems to me like a vivid dream, as if it happened in a parallel universe, a separate reality that I could observe through a looking glass. Something trapped in a transparent basin;
She lays there,in her bed, motionless, breathless,pale, cold, dead.
And the whole scene keeps moving further and further beyond reach,and beyond vision,
to the back of my mind,where i can't think about it..
Is this what they call denial ?
Until this moment I still didn't grasp the full reality of my situation, occasionally i'm obliged to make a face and assume a sad tone when i answer a condoling phone call,and momentarily i'm reminded of my spinelessness and apathy, and resort to melancholy brooding for a while. But most of the time i'm fine. I'm perfectly fine,i'm capable of resuming my life with perfect normality one wouldn't doubt that I lost someone close.
Her departure from this life seems to me like a vivid dream, as if it happened in a parallel universe, a separate reality that I could observe through a looking glass. Something trapped in a transparent basin;
She lays there,in her bed, motionless, breathless,pale, cold, dead.
And the whole scene keeps moving further and further beyond reach,and beyond vision,
to the back of my mind,where i can't think about it..
Is this what they call denial ?
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