Камера Oбскура

Laughter In The Dark

Loath me not for my odious honesty, brethren, for I love thee

Despite thee

But I still wonder sometimes 

How I feel pangs of fervent love for humanity as a whole
Yet I fail to feel for the ones I could call
At times I feel that it is all just a long reality show
And we are the actors; though we don't stick to the script
We improvise, we add and omit
Forget our lines and stall in wit
Till our final moments of throe
Then abandon the show at the peak of the plot
And I've always felt
That I was excluded from this strife
As if I was a witness from the sidelines
And I fell back in the race of life
And decided to sit and watch who will cross that finish line
Trying to figure out when exactly did I lose my will to live
Why do I find bonding so inflictive
And mundane company so disruptive ?
How do I find it perfectly natural to be loved by another
But never work to towards the end of being together
Oh, how I enjoy snatching hearts like a crook
Collecting what I steal in a fancy sack
And then i empty its contents on my bed at night
I set about admiring and polishing my game in content
Put them for show on a grand shelf
And occasionally,
When I pass by them tokens of triumph
Not looking shiny and polished enough
I spit at them in a haughty repulsion
Because they are but monuments ; a nagging reminder of my revulsion
Against humans, one by one
And my compassion towards all of humanity

I never believe in chaste love, Batushka

But I believe in conditional fraternity
Because why love the molecule when you can adore the whole universe ?
When you feel the urge to fall into humanity's embrace
What need could ever exist for a single chum ?
If you think i'm Good-natured
Forgiving, kind, a hopeless fool
You must be blind
You should understand that I never kept sound any real bond
Since the time I've found i was being used as a tool
You should know how I'm genuinely appalled at the sight of unabashed goodness
It seemed that the very essence of human nature is bathed in depravity
And any explicit display of morality
Is essentially chaperoned by an ado of heed
Oh, how I longed to bid this world adieu
I was tired and sick of all this chaotic debauchery
And wanted out of it
Nothing to do with it
But, did you know, even my feelings are in grave dissension
For I love humanity, sir
I love humanity, very much so
For being so dexterous and inventive
In the ways it confuses vice for grace
How it decided who remains a pauper and who gets to hold the mace
How we choose to be humane
When being humane turns to be juicy
And ,alas ! when being our monstrous selves is pricey
It is so funny, I swear
How the entirety of mortal notions are falling to the pits of craze
Oh, and you say i'm wise, but let me tell you this
I would pass the offense, I would turn the other cheek
And I'd let you have it your way at my expense
Because next to the enormity of the universe
You and your fallen existence are as good as erased
And I'm bound to this damned race, mind you

I'm a mere brace for this wall made of Humans, with no humanity
A rigid brick trapped in my place,
And I can't rebel, I'm just a sorry thrall
Could never escape my dark fate, being a part of the grand wall
No matter how much I kick and squall

Though I'm called Candid, kind and forgiving I'm no longer
I'm solely a derelict scandalmonger
I take part in this soap opera because I lost my will to depart

Though I came to life wanting to live so bad

I got hit hard, before i knew what hit me
Now i'm just passing my days,
Crestfallen,
At how i couldn't join the chase

As for allowing myself to be crushed and debased by the weight of human atrocity

Pay no attention, because I do it out of animosity
I got nothing to lose since the time I lost the virginity of my heart
I could never forgive the world for how it turned out to be

And this is my ultimate vendetta, against an entire race

This outward cynicism, being nihilistic and bold

There is no rush to do it apace

Indeed, spite tastes sour no matter how cold