Hey there, Delilah

It was the Eid eve; our "anniversary"
He called, and i swallowed a lump that got stuck in my throat
Counted how many times it rung before I gathered my guts to answer
It has been 8 months since we last talked
He said "Hello", after a slight pause

And was tryinna sound poised

But I could still hear a tremor in his voice

Just like the first time

And just like the first time
I smiled to myself, shaking my head

He has no idea, does he ?

He doesn't know of all the storms that happened within myself
He doesn't know what I've been doing
In the eternity during which I haven't heard from him
He doesn't know that I threw quite a tantrum
Throwing chairs and flipping tables in my mind saying that i'm going to shun
The slightest thought of that pri-.. man

I tried to forget how he sounded

To blur his face in my mind
It took me so long
Lots of patience
Tanks of confined tears
And mental jeers at my state
Heaps of crumbled papers
And drafted prates
But i did it in the end
By a careful scheme of self-discipline
I managed to not feel bitter when his name came up
And the butterflies in my stomach ceased to flap
When I saw him online on Whatsapp

I knew I didn't love him

My butterflies are disturbed when I'm hungry as well
That is not the reason I was so troubled and shaken
On that i'm not mistaken
I know I don't love him still
Only I was compelled and cornered by guilt
To plant a little seed in my heart and force it to sprout
Nurturing it with the false hopes I held
Hopes of denial turning to acceptance
Hopes of this nonexistent feel to somehow blossom in my heart
And turn into something real
Though I didn't love him
He awakened something in me
Made me believe in immaculate love
Made me feel beautiful with a ravishing tact

He's slapped my senses to awakening then stormed out of my life

And i had to deal with the wreckage alone
I missed...talking to him so much
But he was the one that walked away on his own
Why did he have to wait a century to call?
I know there is no obligation to stay in contact
We aren't even lovers
Nor best friends
Nor anything definable, in fact
He was just there shining from afar
Like the sun, and I, like the moon
Grave when he looked away
And bright when he smiled upon me
I needed him, and so i fluttered to my swoon
Like a firefly hovers towards a candle
To its doom
It's not the attention that i wanted, of that I'm fed a spoon every day
Do you ever love a person for how pure their soul is
And want to be in their presence for no exact reason?
To be in their presence at all times, but not at all within their embrace

Perhaps I'm just brazenly selfish

And he was too busy concealing his feelings
To read my eyes and realize
That his love breaks things in my chest
And when he calls,
He doesn't know that my thoughts go spiral
To the ends of the universe and beyond
In the few seconds of silence
During which he awaits me to respond

I said "Hey"

I don't even remember what we talked about
Probably some gibberish that doesn't make sense
A few giggles here and there
Completely random and ridiculous
But i was overjoyed
A bit taken aback at how i complicated things
But overjoyed, for some reason
"Was his voice always this thin ?", I chuckled
I missed this
Just like the old times
I missed...him
Until I realized that I could hear at the end of his lines
And between his pauses for breath
The things he wanted to say but didn't
The feels he wanted to convey but couldn't

Kindred spirit, why are you doing this ?

I gave up long ago, and let the flowers in my heart die

The garden of my feelings was left unattended it has long gone dry
So why are you still watering it with your unneeded care

Why are you still trying to fry my mental faculties by 

Your epic display of sly allurement
And your peculiar way of telling  me a thousand love poems
Without the need to utter a single statement ?

I'm trying not to notice

And I'm trying to summon the strength to feign ignorance

Because not knowing about all this

Is the best excuse I could ever find for acting so dense

Faking blindness

To the ocean of emotions trapped in your eyes 

And the shy, fidgety lips, wanting to smile

And end up flapping like a gull in the distance

Feigning deafness

To your trembling voice

The incoherent change

From whispers to squawks 

When you talk

The nervous laugh and the occasional lisps

Before cracking a stupid joke

When you see love as clear as the sun in a summer sky

As evident as a drop of blood on a plain of snow
As obvious as a pine in a field of rye
But you deny it
You reject it
Because it is what you have always sought
And didn't want to find
It is all what you ever wanted to have

But were too afraid to hold in your arms

To love is scary
Being loved is even more so

I said something about how it was nice catching up, and that i had to go
And I don't remember who hung up first, but i think it was I who did
For I wanted it to be over before I broke apart and started to yelp
Like a little child, not knowing what I wanted, but thinking that crying would help
Taking comfort on the shoulders of the silent listener
On the other side of the dead line..