I lie in wait ,shrunken in my car seat
It was a night quiet as a grave, dark as the air of a bereaved
I could almost touch my breath in this cold
A ghost escaping my guts, floating about
Hitting the roof like solitude hit my consciousness
And I lie in wait, for a phone call, for a twist in fate
A dripping cone in my hands to quill the flames in my guts
See, when all goes wrong one has to be in control of their pain
Every lick sent shivers down my bent spine
And stuck a hundred needles unto my frozen tongue
Every lick is a declaration of defiance, against whom, it wasn't clear
But it keeps me alive, though frost-stung
Why do you think pain is so delectable?
Because tormenting thyself becomes a habit
When you are too numbed to feel
And too slow to understand that you dread what you wish for
That phone call, it came
I held my breath
It's ringing
Chiming
Threatening
Resounding like the old bells of Rome
Echoing through the Mosaic panes and reflecting off the dome
Do I answer, or do I not ?
To answer is to end a millennium spent in suspense and anxiety
A peculiar blend of dread and anticipation
But hold on,
Maybe I don't want to disappoint my surging expectations
By picking up the phone and revealing the unknown
Perhaps the lengthy pine was better than this horror
For, can you tell me about hope and optimism
When you've crossed that long tunnel
Only to find that your sought-after exit is but a wan kindle
Maybe,
Maybe,
You should've halted your ramble and camped where you were
Forever thinking falsely that salvation is but yonder
That the gratification of your hunger is close to your reach
But only if you want it
And only if you dare
It makes you wonder if oblivion is truly a bliss
Whether hope gorges on darkness and feeds on blind guess
But ceases to grow and takes its regress
When reality comes over, sneering with a hiss
And what was wrong with waiting anyway ?
The night was long, and, it's true, I was servile
But i was tryinna fend the epilogue of my struggle
To cap the bottle of my hopes was something i didn't intend
For waiting lights the torch of hope in your heart
While weakens your will to change your present
And you can remain the certified weakling that you are
Hiding under your blankets, shivering in the dark
Pretending that it's too cold
When you are just too scared to face the gloom of reality
And the factual morbidity
I lie in wait,
Ignoring the fact that I've reached the end of my tunnel
And it's time to grasp that it's a dead end for me
Unless I bare my claws and start drilling my way out
Staining my lap with the dirt of ambition
But I'm wearing a white gown of defeatism that I want to keep clean
It's perfumed with the false impression that everything is gonna work out somehow, even if I don't attempt to get out of this spleen
I thought that I was nonchalantly being Jacque's abundance of Fatalism
But I'm actually Jack's Total Lack of Motivation
And my sole excuse is that
I'm still waiting for a sign from Heaven to step out of my comfort zone
So picking up the phone and knowing that i'm doomed, my friend
Is simply and obviously out of the question
And so I lie in wait
Holding my cone
Hands trembling, my mind frozen
While my ice cream melted
Seeped between my fingers and dug through my lap
The ringing,
The torture,
Seemed to have stopped
Or perhaps it never rang and it was just a flap
Induced by boredom and mental suspense
Which, is highly probable, ladies and gents
And hence I shall keep awaiting
For another eternity
A phone call that i'm not going to answer
Out of cowardice
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