Anarchy Of The Heart

I wasn't used to being addressed as a girl
Still am

Being told things like "you are pretty" and "graceful"
Or that i'm "wifey material" and all that flirtatious crap
That boys use to trap the girls of their dreams
I know the drill
I was the chill girl, back at school
Had a mountain bike and a pair of skaters
Read comic books and rocked in sneakers
Attended a class full of chaps
I grew up surrounded by boys

So I didn't think I needed to be with a boy,you know, that way

No homo
And I thought I was immune to this shit, man

A racing heart, a crimson-blushed face, an awkward wit
I thought I was too fulfilled to text first
Too wise to get swept off my feet by common courtesy
That Platonic idea of people being created in pairs
And had to set out looking for their missing parts?
That was way too ridiculous to me
You know, you can either force the pieces of a blank puzzle to fit
Or you can wait an eternity to figure which lays where
And some wolves are meant to stray alone
And thus I have led my life
Until I met you, you insufferable
And I came to realize that when the time is right
It appears that love is the awakening slap of a maiden's heart
I don't do this,fam, secretly writing our initials by the shore
Leaving them there, knowing that the waves will wash my embarrassment away
But still looking back to make sure that the ocean has collected my secret into safe keep

And I never had before, to stop and think if I should type "Hahaha" or "lol"
Or if i used way too many emojis in my text
I never do THIS,
Setting down to write a damn poem
About..
About feelings

About....love

How did it come to this ?

Wish this was actually a love poem
But it is not, alas !

I don't know how to write love poems even
And this is a grievance letter, mind you
Though I'm not in grief, I'm cool
Cool as in dead inside
But there is a pool of darkness within me that needs to overflow
Come, I met you, you cruel, and you crowned my unconscious search with a meaning
You treated me like a princess, without having to bow
You flirted with my nerves when you blinked ,without realizing
You brightened my life when you smiled, innocently
You changed me
You made me blossom
You made me love myself before I fell for you
You calmed my intrinsic commotion
You made me believe I could love, and be loved
With an equal relish of passion
But classically,
Would like to say sadly, but i
Regress
Oh, it was bound to end like this
And I don't wish to reminisce, but it had to be lain out here
So, classically
You took my heart and left
Leaving me bereft, and in pieces
Because
You were like me, a incurious wanderer
Accused of hearts theft
When you don't even care for collections
And I don't even need my heart back
You can keep it
It stopped beating when your eyes told me you loved me
And it withered and crumbled like rotten petals when I saw your eyes courting hers
That was me there
Did I look this vulnerable up against your evil spell? how gross
I can tell you are planning to toy with her heart then stomp on it just the same
Apparently to you it's just a game
Perhaps you could give her my heart ,as a final display of courteousness
And she could use it as a spare
When hers doesn't work anymore
For ,we don't need another walking corpse now ,do we ?
But nevertheless, thank you for the experience, Kindred spirit
I'm not bitter at you
I don't loath you
In this hollow where my heart was
There is only tenderness

The last remnants of the short eternity of bliss
We had