Pizzicato

1//
"Make haste to call."

I got a short text while out
Three lines of information
Delivered curtly
And my stomach stirred
It was there and then that I learnt
That it's better to be out of reach ,sometimes
And that grieving could be differed 
Until it sinks in

I went back and finished my slice of Pizza

Waited three days to remember

What difference does it make ?

If I wept a year later
They are far beyond rebuke, beneath the soil
Eternally asleep
Whether I howl, they wouldn't know
Bang my head against a wall, or break in silence

Does it revive the dead
Does it unwind the time
Does it comfort the living
Or stop the worms
From feasting on their flesh?

2//

I'm pounded shreds of glass, too small to cut
Too jagged to reflect
Harmlessly I try to exist
White of color, since I couldn't be
Invisible
Caressed and toted by breeze
But folks still circle me around
To avoid hurts they don't need
Or tip toe when they have to cross my path
Corrupting my order
On their way
Out.


3//

These repeated lines walk on their own by now
Assemble at the tip of my tongue

"Al Baraka fekom"
"A7san Allah 3azakom"
"IsA akher Al a7zan"
"Al Baqa2 lellah"
"Al dafen mtain?"
I always remember that Hadeeth
That says sudden death becomes frequent
At the end of times
And I muse at how people can get used to loss
So readily
Perhaps
We have been dead all along
Some of us merely
Stop breathing when
The time comes.



4//

I decided since a while
To remember them properly within these lines
I know that I defile poetry by my wretched ways
Like a sick habitual deprived of his means
Of appeasement
They say that ache impregnates the soul
With the most solemn of phrases
But it's too late to steer clear from the wall
I use the memory of dead souls to revive mine
I shiver as I recite these dissonant dirges in my head
Another dedication
Out of obligation, I know
But somewhere, along the line
A forced whine verily converges
To a river of anguish
It's a price to pay when one never cares
To say things out loud when they have the chance
Time stretches lazely while one is alive
These hearts pounding
These finger tips twitching with vigor
Eyes flaring
Cheeks red with youth
Time taking a nap
But words busy flipping through magazines
On the couch

One never counts their breaths until air becomes scarce.



5//

This is a dedication : 

Though my words are in utter disarray, like his front teeth
Expressions as weak as his presence
In a room full of people
Indecisive, as the shadow of a candle
Lighted on a winter night
Only kept burning by the warmth of affection
This is a celebration of someone's life
See, he always parted his lips in an undefined smile
When he listened
In the rare occasions on which he spoke
It was crude and unrefined
Been robbed of the precious
Of his time
Of her time
But he sounded like he found comfort
In having something to be robbed of
Perhaps it's because it made him lighter
These kinda souls are never vile
And they linger around

Their shadows linger around for a while.



6//

I saw you at the mall the other day
Stopped mid sentence, and forgot where I was going
It was your doppelganger
I knew it because you didn't look twice
So strange, perhaps it doesn't matter
For how long you have known a person
They always steal with a gouged piece of your abdomen
And tuck a memory deep in the hollow left behind
It stings
When one tries to get up in the morning
The festering flesh caves in
Like a sufferer biting on a stick
And with all its might, clings
To what's left of them
Perhaps it grows with time, inside your guts
The planted seed of a morbid notion
And it's been spreading like cancer
Of late

Could I possibly be
Seeking a meaning
In grief?