Reflections II

Have always made it a point
To properly watch the fireworks every year
Ceased all conversation
Put down my phone
Tried not to pat an eyelid
Where I am on the globe doesn't matter

This is my grand ritual of re birth 

It's the point on the night where it sinks in
Another one has just ended
And the past one flashes in front of my eyes
Like an old film of black and white
As I gaze into the night

------------------*Boom*
*Boom*
*Boom* *Boom* *Boom*

Crowds rave, lights dance
Ember flicks fall
And fade
Only the smell of ash lingers in the air

*Boom*

It wasn't so bad, was it?

------------*Boom* *Boom*

I've come a long way

Been more honest

Stopped being a doormat

Stepped out of my bubble of comfort
And opened my heart a little

*Boom*

I don't dislike who I've become

---------------------

The ones I cherish the most are standing next to me

And I take the time to remember the few
Missing on this cold eve

"May the lord lighten up your grave 
Like this dome"

----------------------

"But you are missing this"

How many funerals has it been?

Stopped counting when my tears ran out

People forget so readily
Or pretend to move on
But death lived in my chest for a while

Sat on the couch between my ribs
I can't
Pretend to be strong, like they do

-------------------------*Boom*

This is not the time to mourn, bloke

My fingers tremble as I cling unto these cold bars
All the stars on the plain above took leave for the night
I shouldn't be crying
It's so pretty
But I wish you could see this
I shouldn't be crying
I try to utter a few prayers in the gaps between my heaves
But I wish you could see this
I wish you were here
I wish you were alive to exclaim out loud
"What a wonderful year it was"

Maybe it wasn't

Because I can't stop the tears

They disobey my command, like the words out of my tongue
Out of my pen, jetted by my keyboard

The world is dressed in colorful joy

Content is exhaled along with the laughter
Another year is sealed away
In the attic of our minds
I alone
Wept bitterly
And when the noise rose and swelled in willful glory
I let out the whines, howling
Like an injured beast

I never felt this lonely, embraced and patted by this cryptic sorrow

Could no one else feel this shiver deep in their marrows
A cold rush up their spines
As they rise from the shore were life has washed them
Nay, spat them,
Mere skin and bones with decaying flesh
Dust of dismay stuck between their molars

Could no one else tell where we stand on the cord of life
At this eternal moment
Galleys of naught lay deep below
Bleak horizons trapped within our irises
Regrets taking abode within our shadows

Could no one else taste an exotic blend
Of grief
Of joy
Of hope
Of foreboding
Of loneliness
Of relief

And it all gushes out in a waterfall of emotions
That cannot be explained but for the tears running down their temples
Quietly, on moments of glee

Does no one else understand what it means to survive someone?

Leave the fallen ones back in the minefield
Of remembrance
Carry on alone into the night
Inexorable and unknown

I really do cry a lot, of late

And for a moment, perhaps too long to be mistaken for a verse
This familiar dome I printed on the back of my eyelids
Was painted with imminent light
The sandclock labored to deliver the final grain
Before starting all over
I
Wiped my tears as I pretended to cough and smiled for the pictures
Somehow, I was reborn again
Already tired.


January 1st, 2017
1: 41 am
Abu Dhabi, UAE