Sometimes it makes me mad, how honest my poetry is. It's bare to embarrassment.
I never tell lies, but I rarely dig deep when it's time to tell truth.
I
Know myself way too well to beat around the thickets of my pretenses, it seems. I want to stop doing this, but I want to understand myself and there is no better way than to probe it like that in the dark. My drafts are full of shameful confessions and I don't want to be out there like that.
Glad that this wall of verbal graffiti is one that not many people pass by.

Heiwa

It seems that I've long lost the war of stoicism
Against the resilient troops of my own indulgences
That is, I no longer find it in me to force my dear self
To limp and stagger over the impassable trials of inconvenience
One of the perks of old age
Having gotten the apathy of a child that doesn't care for the world and the wisdom of a sage
Passed through the alternating seasons of
Learned sorrow and hushed rage
The self is of meek shoulders, see
It had to learn to drill its way through the walls of sullen circumstances
Like a rat scrambling for dear life through the rotten wood of a sunken ship
A "No" tastes less sour on the tongue, now
It scratches less harshly on the roof of one's throat
Lies come chaperoned with qualm
Truths rest well under linen and pout one's cushions
For a good night's sleep, quiet and calm
Black and white make peace over boundaries
Shadows are more tall than mean, you stop running away from yours and would rather hide in it from sordid encounters
And light is for kind thoughts, only kind thoughts and balsamic poetry


When enough years have passed you learn that meanness has been dwelling in our marrows since birth
Meanness and a readiness for shedding pretenses, like withered Orchid blossoms
Strange, I have no children but I would understand how a loving mother could bloody her hands to keep her own, sound
Because this body, this face, my skin, struggling to fend the surfacing scars of lost wars
And the permanent ripples of time
These little windows of peace in the kingdom of my mind and these tired bones, shrinking under the weight of living
Are all that I got left in this fray

Thou shalt not get another piece
Of me.

                                                            -Rain

Vibrato

You are Rosin to my strings
Though sombre and eerie like a muddy river
Too rigid for my liking and quite helplessly broken
You reflect the light that shines on your dark skin
Like a punitive truth on naked sin
You ease the brakes on my candid
As I exhaust the spring of my tender words
The splendid honeysuckle of my youthful songs
This flare and glory
Verily ,it would all be in vain
Mere scribbles on a smudgy pane
Hastily fading in the haze
No echoes, no music
No vibrations
Without the comfort of having you
In the smallest pocket of my case.


                                                              -Rain

Snedronningen

I'm not playing hard to get
If I'm to use your terms, abstracted to bitterness
It is just hard for me to come into terms
With the idea of being sought 
Ever since I could remember,
I ran from my shadow, and no one
Chased after me, and
I learnt to give out sentiments, the ardent type You may argue that I perhaps lack and yet
Try to assume and wear like a suit of skin
Tailored a bit too small, stretched over this bulk of flesh and flimsy nerves and bashful stiffness
And I accept the love I'm given with an air of indifference
The way I accept the sun light and rainy days
And the dents in the pavement
It just doesn't taste the same
When it is an echo and
Not the first call
My good sir, with a gaze so tender
You may think that high walls are meant to protect
And whatever lies within isn't as strong as the brick
It is true in a sense
But there are kind beasts that wallow in self laceration
Thinking that they are too vehement for the world
For I
Either love with my all
Chaos and madness and domination
Or exhale love like a spring breeze
Before I'm gone
For your sake, my child
Not all walls are built to be demolished
I've been doling out these little treats of affection
But they were never pieces of my heart
Bits and crumbs of a state of mind
Hastily changing with the passing seasons
And I thought that folks did the same
Treating  romance like a game, a struggle for power and a bravado of the ways of courtship
And to use your terms ,you could try to become a better shooter
But I'll just add another foot of concrete
And although I have the airs of a queen and
Secrete whiffs of haughtiness
As I walk by
Beneath this skin is a fragile being
That's never been hurt before
So tread with caution
For I'm a casket of glass and my shreds
Cut deep.

To Ludvik

I have found
That we are plenty different, I
Have learnt to store words in my lungs
Dwelling with the air I inhale
Though sullen and quite heavy with
Something akin to guilt
I have found that the grapes of soberness
Grew and spread in my chest
Though with whiffs of melancholia
To be loved by a master of words is to carry
The weight of their broken vanity, their sharpness
Disarming vulnerability
Cornered to a wall by the swords of pathos
You
Are danger.


                                           

Hageshī

Someone once told me that I'm "too intense"
It sounded like an accusation
But I'd like to think it is a great bliss
To feel everything so deeply
People like to blame it on the stars
The alignment of Venus and Mars and
How long one's been kissed by the sun at birth
It all makes up the tragedy and mirth
One carries in their soul
Perhaps it was a rainy day when I was born
November sky aghast and forlorn
But I don't dislike it
Wearing my emotions as an armor
My words as a lance
I would dance in the rain
And pat all the scorpions.

                         

Water

Time after time I find myself
Drawn to the ocean
Long before I've come to learn
That I'm made of water
Time after time
I find myself drowning
While my shoes are still dry
A lump of emotions
Stuck in my throat, bulging
My lips sealed
My eyes resting
Tears roll down my temples
As I drift away.

Timshil

"Consider the lilies of the field
How they grow
They don't toil,
Neither do they spin.
It's seems like a habit you can't kick
Picking flowers you stumble upon
Just to let them wither in a forgotten vase
Next to your bed
You brute
I've finally understood how it feels
To lose control
Why they wrote that love shreds one's heart
Before it stitches it whole
How the lock of your rib cage scratches
A wild beast is dying to break out
You could hear it grumble at night, as you lay alone
Stretches its limbs and pokes at the hinges
Stills into your guts, for fun
And stings at random
At the mention of someone's name
I've been stung
And this venom tastes sweet
Though it swells in my veins
My head is full with the thoughts of you
My gaze searches for you
In a crowd of strangers

I ache
I ache
I ache, for you

And I could smell the sweet, sweet
Traces of ruin
Along with the words you speak

I'm sick
With you


You called me a saint
And I fell,
For you
Keeping the sheets of my expression so calm you wouldn't tell
And I thought i never
Needed to learn how to swim but
Did you know ?
The worst part of drowning is that it
Burns
Every time I caught you sneaking a peek
Through the cracks in the distance between us, I wondered
If you saw me
Or saw through me, like I saw through you
It's just that our kind
Have the kinda guileless eyes that see through
The wicked lies and ulterior motives
Appearances and pretenses and
Fragile masks of fulfillment
How come I know you this much
Like I know myself ?

I carried the night along in a sack
And found that there was peace in the dark
As well as belonging
But here comes the sun
And I spun around, tryinna escape your orbit
I wished that you stopped digging under my skin
Before you reached my marrows, I
Don't want you to see how much defeat they harbor
For there I stored the thoughts I didn't want
Dwelling in my head
Disturbing my dreams
Defiling my poetry
Muddling my rhyme and reason
Altering the rhythm of my lungs
Along with my heartbeats,

See I

Can't be suppressing so many urges at once
As I chime in idle conversation

One battle at a time.