A Farewell To Arms

I tried to pump all the air
I could breath out into the lips of
This dying bond
But I can't run away from the naked
Realization of your neglect when
There was nothing to be gained in return,
perhaps I was the only one thinking that
There are platonic loves that could
Conquer the trials of separation and
The tides of adulthood
Perhaps I try too hard and it's better
To let things die out when it's time
I didn't want to let you go but
I love myself too much to watch her
Break her heart into crumbs for
Alms, not every beggar is a pauper


Farewell, kindred spirit
That was the last time.

The Joke

When enough time has 

Passed, even blue flames

Die out eventually 

In a while we forget the 

Smell of smoke, its fading gray

Mixed with the mist of 

The world we know, see

Time is that delinquent 

Friend that drags love 

Into trouble after midnight
And returns home alone
At daybreak
We always tend to rely on
Redress being ready in its
Uniform at all times
For the calling of pine 

But wait long enough, my child, and 

There will be nothing left 

To save
Pride devours the remaining
Crumbs of Ardor, sits
With a bloated belly in a dark corner
While time chuckles as it
Lights a cigarette.

Letter to Solanine 0

"What a coward", I said
"You drew a circle
Around yourself in the sand and
Swore a solemn oath to never
Transgress :
This is where I'll keep
My sorrows.

You said you'd gladly be the
Coward at the shore than the bald
Sailor that jumps into the storm
"One lives but once", you said, "and
I can spend that life in the warmth
Of my home."
"One lives forever, if he pleases", I replied
"Or one could be dead already,

So what of it ?"

So what if I'm dead?


I stopped painting the sea and now
I pour rainbows and my world has gone
Mad, in a quiet way, it's been
A while since I've felt too much of
Anything.
I've shown you my darkest corners
And you never flinched, I
Did not plan this far, stranger, and
Now I stand bare on your
Pedestal, how did we end up here?

My little deer, you don't understand
The danger you've just invited to sit on
Your lap, this right here is not
Boldness, it is not a love for life
It is not a brighter outlook from the
Balcony of a sublime thinking, I
Jump head first because i want
To go young.
I'm a Coward numbed by the
Human condition and adrenaline.
I'm Penelope's shroud, my love,
I come undone when
No one is looking.
I wake up with tears that i
Don't remember being shed.
I pine for a man that pretends
To be dead, and
I don't want to settle for the role of
His coffin.

De Profundis ii

He asked me
If I've ever been in a dark place, the lantern
On our table flickered, aghast at the disturbance
In the rhythm of my thoughts
A Jazz band was playing in the lobby
"How did you find your
Way back?", he asked in his casual manner
As if he was asking about my day at work or
What I had for lunch
Took me a long time trying to decide if
I should suppress my deflective retort
Molded from cynical humor and poetic sarcasm
But the night was young and
His eyes weren't grinning
So I blew off the dying candle and let my
Guard mix with the soaring smoke
Into the cold air of November
It's like learning how to float, you see
The more you think about drowning
The lower you sink
The more you try to protect the loopholes into your
Inner self, the more it burns
Everywhere
The more you yearn for a stable footing,
The weaker your legs would feel
But keep kicking
Keep moving, someone yells in the background as if
There is some higher purpose for this trial
One they slight, because they don't
Remember its throes anymore
Everything is bathed in a light of wisdom when
Enough years have passed
Stop gazing at heavens all the time
Looking for signs, you will drain all your hopes
Puff your chest with the little faith you can muster and
Let go when
You can't keep it anymore

It's okay,

You can
Take a dip into the dark, for a little bit when your spirits fail
Sink into the bottom where quietness reigns
Sounds are disfigured and fate weighs
Heavy on one's head


Survival is a never ending battle

But nobody tells you that
It makes us look weaker

Perhaps I never did, then, get out
Indeed, I
Only grew used to the dark


I am in the dark place, still

Made it my home, throw cushions and
Crumbled papers

Is it written so clearly on my mien, though

That all it takes is a break to catch my breath
For me to drown beyond reach ?

Letter To The Crab iii

You can't put a finger on your broken, can you ?
You were only taught
That men never cry when it hurts
And all they made was a handful of invalids
Looking for pain killers when they are still bleeding
There is a hole in your chest that you can't fill with
The roars of laughter , and
You seek strangers until you learn their names
Fall in love at first sight
Until you blink
I know, because we are one and the same,
Bearing the burdens of the world, like they
Are solace to our souls, we carry
Tragedy in our soles, with such style
We hug like we can glue a shattered person,
Whole
And yet somehow, we end up sobbing alone against a wall
No wails
Not even echos pat on our shoulders
We
Are the ones that love with a terrifying readiness for martyrdom
That we forget to keep some for our dark parts

We are the ones that swallowed the iceberg
Broke the tips they deigned to notice and yielded them weapons for
Survival,
We are immaculate in our sadness
We are
Humans,
All too human and sad
And I love you for laughing so loud when
Your eyes look so lonely.

想念

I look at you and all I see is a life, properly wasted
Filling the slots of your idleness by things that cannot fill
Your heart
In many ways we are the same
Trying to postpone my nightly appointment
With cynical thoughts
By trivial endeavors
Muffle the voices in my head with
Loud music and broken chatter

You,

What are you running away from ?

You make it sound like my
Absence was my last gesture of spite as
If it was meant to hurt you, beloved
If I relied on some sentiments of yours to
Be still dwelling like a wild Orchid, in the cold I
Would've
Fought
For you
This right here
Is not a punishment,
This is self-indulgence.