"Anyone whose goal is ‘something higher’ must expect some day to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it even when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves." - Milan Kundera
I've spent a fair portion of my life trying to balance between self-acceptance and the susceptibility to change.
Between trying to maintain my individuality and the need to blend-in,
Between protecting my pride and wanting to fall in love,
Between perseverance ;clinging of reality,
And wanting to answer the calls of chaos that dwell inside of me.
"Balance" is quite a concept ; we can spend a life-time trying to find it, walking on a narrow rope suspended mid-air, trying not to fall, trying not to fail.
But did you know that humans are bound to respond to their inner vertigo, eventually ?
It's not an evil power, it grants us what we secretly wish for; it pushes us to fall ,but we actually yearn to fall because we yearn to "choose".
And we yearn to choose because ,you see, we, humans, fear the freedom of not knowing.
A state of balance causes us a great deal of distress because it is restricting ; could you, after all, imagine spending the rest of your life walking on a narrow rope between two ends across the valley ?
I think not.
As scary as it is to choose between one of what we think are extremes ; as scary as it is to look below and see the bottomless oblivion of choice, and as scary as it is to purposely lose your footing on the trembling grounds of balance, falling towards either sides of the border is better than walking along it for eternity. Not knowing on which side we would fall if we slipped the wrong foot first.
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