Einsamer Hirte

Denial and apathy; two sides of a coin
They might get confused, mind you, during acute cases of heart break
When you flip the dime of your feelings
And it rests on the edge, refusing to face your gaze
In my case I waited for a while, thought i might need some time to take it in
But the coin
Is still obtusely hanging

And 48 hours have passed

I pinched my cheeks so hard
Even pressed my eyelids, so at least one tear drop would roll down
And relieve my worries that something might be wrong with me
I mean, a broken heart is supposed to make lotsa noises, right?
But I didn't hear a thing

It was quite as a grave, in my head

Even the faint pounds in my chest seemed to fuse with the clock ticks
And fade away
In my quite room

Weird

I'm supposed to be crying myself to sleep
But i'm counting sheep every night
And falling to the embrace of unconsciousness like a newborn

10:04 pm
Pray, cry

10:05 pm
Why am I not crying ?

10:06 pm
I can hear the sound of the wind gushing
From the last shell i put against my ears
Fascinating

10:07 pm
No, I think the wind is seeping through my ribs

10:08 pm
I think I'm sick
I may be dying

10:08 pm
Oh the window is just open

10:08 pm

One Mississippi

Two Mississippi
Three Mississippi

10:08 pm

I'm a shepherd

Oh well, I'm asleep and already dreaming
Yes, I'm a shepherd
A lonely bard
I take my lot to the prairie everyday
With a packed lunch of good humor , and a harmonica
At noon a take a nap, resting my head on a thick book
With a title too hard to pronounce
My cattle, i gave them peculiar names
Kept them close like my children
And let them roam around within the boarders of my imagination
They know when to come back
Waking me up from my light doze
Imagine being the only human around
And the world is only two colors, green and blue
It's so simple ,so orderly, so tranquil over here
And when a cloud makes its appearance
The pricks of sun rays get a bit softer
Does it ever happen that you open your eyes not quite sure
Whether what you see is real
Or a mere continuation of a dream?
Funny thing about the maladies of the heart
Is that they twist your sense of reality
This stranger was floating slowly
Aimlessly, drifting with the summer breeze
I said hello there, strange one
It grunted, and shrunk, a mild drizzle
Tickled my nose
I think it likes me
This plump fellow
It talks to me, through the rain, and when my kids are away
Felt so refreshing
It snows marshmallows on good days
Music to my ears
My cloud friend,
My little patch of winter in spring
My cozy shelter in summer
My quiet partner that made this solitude less lonely
Filled my days, so hollow and bleak
With peaceful joy
I got up and followed the cloud
I left my harmonica, and my pillow
I walked in its shade for as far as it drifted
Until we reached a cliff
Edge of my world
Never thought I'd have to go there
So steep
So high
Angry waves crashing beneath
The horizon, so bright, the setting sun flashing through the distance
Splashes of orange
And purple, and yellow
I didn't know
That other colors existed
My friend slipped away as I wondered
In my childish awe
They left to find other shepherds
That knew their own land better
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I stood watching the main, where i last saw their reflection
Forgot the prairie
Forgot my scattered thoughts, left unattended
My music of thought didn't taste the same when I was back
And I couldn't add the final stroke to the painting in my head
My brush was so dry without tears

And I woke up to a new day.