Rage

"Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born."
-Fyodor Dostoyevky

I know what is happening

It is not the pricks of the edges of my broken heart trying to pierce through my flesh
These sharp tremors I can vividly sense
They are the scratches of regret on the lineaments of my vanity
I know the reason I didn't as yet take notice
My heart , it seems , have received a ringing slap on the face
It had to stop and inspect itself for glitches
It pined a bit, it seems, my heart , but it is still pumping just fine

It's pumping ,and I'm fine

Did ya know ? We ,humans, are unbreakable , unless we want to
We were made that way
But our intrinsic tendency for laceration leaves a sweet tinge on one'es tongue
When we torment our souls; flog them by the whips of agony
Bind them by the chains of despair in the dungeons of gloom
Weight them by a few pounds of depression
And self-rejection
One would think in their darkest moments that nothing matters anymore
Nothing matters if I lost this one person
Nothing and no one matters ,I might as well just go ahead and die
But I need to pass on in a theatrical fashion
Seize the last whack I have to rub their sin on their face with a scoffing grin
Of disdain

Except that, they wouldn't look back to see your final display

Of shame

See, this shame
Regret
Solitude
And dismay

Together, are the greatest preachers of all times
In the still of the night, they conferred, they stirred my head like water flowed for the first time in a groove dried up for centuries
And I woke up to the obvious truth :

Investing all your feels on someone else that doesn't live in your flesh is the height of foolishness

Why do you have to blow out your candles to let theirs live on?
Why do you have to fall on your face into the pits of melancholy
And let them insolently stride on the back of Your Highness?
And why do you have to embrace their offense as if it is your imperfections that made them
Leave?

We are born free
Yet we go out of our ways to seek the bondage of our hearts
Servitude comes in all shapes and sizes, mind you
Perhaps
All it takes is getting hit with the ruthless momentum of reality
To your awakening

Just let your feet loose
Run like a mad goose
Never turn to look back
Run, my dear child, in the opposite direction
And thou shalt clasp your sweet freedom, and glad redemption

Now that i look at the greater picture I realize
The reason I thought the blow to my heart this time has caused a serious wear is that I've had a lugubrious year
At a closer inspection, i found that what I felt was merely the acidic spit of betrayal gnawing through my countenance
I caught sight of my injured pride timidly peering from beyond a curtain ,wary of another baseless beating

And I touched the blazing ashes of my charred passion
Saw the last of the flickering embers rising to my inner skies
Joining the lot of the fireflies zealously doing maintenance work
Torching my tortured person like a thousand splendid suns
When i close my eyes and listen
It's not sobs and wails that reach the ears of my soul
It's the muffled roars of the lioness trapped within my ribs 

Cowardly slashed in her captivity
Licking her wounds

Before she unleashes 

The entirety of her rage

You
Cannot
Kill this

You
Will not
Bury this

I
Will rise
From the ashes
And thou shalt witness
The grandeur of my
Resurrection