Last year, I missed the raining season
I was away, and it didn't rain there
It was a great source of distress for me, looking in anticipation
At the ashen sky, scrubbed of every white blotch
I dare say, it's the reason I'm still feeling a bit odd
As if I developed a mild botch in my chest
Towards the left side
Rain doesn't only have poetic connotations for me
It's much more than that
It's a sort of a affirmation of my purity, as strange as that may sound to you
Being drenched in the rain makes me euphoric
Drunken with the spirit of ecstasy, floating in a state of bliss
Because.. Well,
It means that i'm included in God's mercy
Sometimes, I feel that i'm losing my connection to God
The string of lambency I was desperately holding unto
Has slipped from my fingers and blended with the murky ground
And I feel that the light has gone from my eyes
That colors have faded from everything around
It's true, whoever knows me well, would realize
That i'm going through a phase of which I can't tell
They could read it all on my face
The ferocious battles happening in my being
When my lips are sealed tight
And I wake up, quite late
On my degraded state and try to fix things
When I remember that God is the Ultimate Planner
That i'm a mere human that doesn't get to design their fate
And as much as I try to remind myself that i need to be polite in my frustration
It takes a great might
When you are mercilessly hit multiple times by life
At the time of your greatest weakness and desolation
See, I'm not a strong person
Still am
If I wasn't a Muslim I don't think I could've pulled it together this far
If I didn't believe, I would have abandoned the spar midway
Because I'm not a strong person and i couldn't have won against
THIS
And I wasn't ashamed in finding that out
Nor the fact that I'm saying it out loud
My only shame was looking for strength in the wrong direction
When I knew well, that when everyone leaves,
God remains
When your heart falls and breaks into pieces
The love of God will mend it
This emptiness you feel, can be filled to the brim
And overflow when you stop craving the love of mortals
And submit your heart to The Immortal
O God ,forgive me,
I know Thou haven't forsaken me
I know I can find the way in this darkness if I close my eyes and pray
I don't need to find that lost string
Because true illumination comes
From within
And i pray hard for forgiveness and to be cleansed from my sins
While waiting for a sign that it has been granted
I look for signs despite the haze of my vision
I look for signs on my face, though bone-tired and age-stricken
I check if the light in my eyes is back
If i'm able to smile without severing the crack
I look at the creation of my trembling hands
My interactions, my poetry, my paintings ,and stands
And see if they reflect my heart yet
I look at heavens
Waiting for rain drops to wash the filth of doubts away
And drain it beneath the soil
And I'm hoping that it never ceases to rain in my soul
Despite the constant change of seasons
I was away, and it didn't rain there
It was a great source of distress for me, looking in anticipation
At the ashen sky, scrubbed of every white blotch
I dare say, it's the reason I'm still feeling a bit odd
As if I developed a mild botch in my chest
Towards the left side
Rain doesn't only have poetic connotations for me
It's much more than that
It's a sort of a affirmation of my purity, as strange as that may sound to you
Being drenched in the rain makes me euphoric
Drunken with the spirit of ecstasy, floating in a state of bliss
Because.. Well,
It means that i'm included in God's mercy
Sometimes, I feel that i'm losing my connection to God
The string of lambency I was desperately holding unto
Has slipped from my fingers and blended with the murky ground
And I feel that the light has gone from my eyes
That colors have faded from everything around
It's true, whoever knows me well, would realize
That i'm going through a phase of which I can't tell
They could read it all on my face
The ferocious battles happening in my being
When my lips are sealed tight
And I wake up, quite late
On my degraded state and try to fix things
When I remember that God is the Ultimate Planner
That i'm a mere human that doesn't get to design their fate
And as much as I try to remind myself that i need to be polite in my frustration
It takes a great might
When you are mercilessly hit multiple times by life
At the time of your greatest weakness and desolation
See, I'm not a strong person
Still am
If I wasn't a Muslim I don't think I could've pulled it together this far
If I didn't believe, I would have abandoned the spar midway
Because I'm not a strong person and i couldn't have won against
THIS
And I wasn't ashamed in finding that out
Nor the fact that I'm saying it out loud
My only shame was looking for strength in the wrong direction
When I knew well, that when everyone leaves,
God remains
When your heart falls and breaks into pieces
The love of God will mend it
This emptiness you feel, can be filled to the brim
And overflow when you stop craving the love of mortals
And submit your heart to The Immortal
O God ,forgive me,
I know Thou haven't forsaken me
I know I can find the way in this darkness if I close my eyes and pray
I don't need to find that lost string
Because true illumination comes
From within
And i pray hard for forgiveness and to be cleansed from my sins
While waiting for a sign that it has been granted
I look for signs despite the haze of my vision
I look for signs on my face, though bone-tired and age-stricken
I check if the light in my eyes is back
If i'm able to smile without severing the crack
I look at the creation of my trembling hands
My interactions, my poetry, my paintings ,and stands
And see if they reflect my heart yet
I look at heavens
Waiting for rain drops to wash the filth of doubts away
And drain it beneath the soil
And I'm hoping that it never ceases to rain in my soul
Despite the constant change of seasons
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