My greatest terror is that I won't be able to escape you,
After all these years, this long and bloodless war
We started when you stood in my way.
I fear the most, that it is you
After all.
And I
Knew that I got sucked in and trapped within your field.
When you didn't break a sweat to make me yield.
Alluring, your flames, and they tingled a bit
Before they turned a shade of gray.
You put a spell on me; when I tried to stay sober.
And still I knew in my heart that my only way out was a fusion,
A stellar collision.
Or a constant state of anarchic repulsion.
Electric touches.
Mind games and running in mazes.
Cat and mouse chases in small hutches.
Curios gazes.
Entrapment by ruse.
Tenderness.
Awkwardness.Misunderstanding.
A heart bruise.
Animosity.
A truce.
Uneasiness.
Suffocation.
Helplessness.
Defeat.
Pride.
Remembrance.
Vanity.
Indifference.
I don't know what you want and you don't know what you want.
I know what I want and you think you know what I want.
You can't stay away and I can't bring myself to step closer.
You don't want to fall once and I've fallen enough times
To know how it feels to live in Vertigo.
You don't think you need to explain when you are such a veteran mouser
So your actions end up not making any sense
And i think in explaining lies all the essence
I'm volcanoes beneath a still pond, and you are a spasm of unrest
And this is unnecessary, I realize as I listen to your jest
When your eyes be saying all the things you don't think you need to say out loud.
This is all so pointless, I sigh.
But in the grander scheme of things; this grinding of egos is eternal.
My defiance and your allure.
You want it to stop and I don't care if it doesn't.
See, I've been fighting for too long; my default setting is
To Endure.
When you've never let your heart stray too far to trip and scratch its knees.
This is a perpetual fray;
Because I love myself and you detest me for it.
Because you think you love me and I'm ought to hate you.
Because you love yourself and think that I should love you.
Because you love my kind and never made it known.
When I hate your kind and have always make it known.
The way you have to complicate things so simple.
They way I simplify things meant to be complicated.
How you reduced me into a mathematical problem
And crossed out my unknown variables.
Ones I couldn't bear with for 25 years,
Yet the ones I couldn't live without.
The ones you couldn't live with and didn't bother to solve.
Your richness of gestures and poverty of words.
And my faith in the weight of feelings spoken;
When my erratic actions are never a token.
How you never ventured to know me.
My dankness of being; and my lightness of soul.
How I came to learn all your nooks and crannies from the first dialogue
How you know that I know you.
So you run to hide in the shadows until I forget who you are.
The way you read the synopsis and skip through the epilogue.
The way I try to divine what's hidden between the lines.
This pride of mine and that fearlessness of yours.
You loathe me for it.
I adore you for it.
This singularity of mine and that vanity of yours.
You want me for it.
I abhor you for it.
Your sense of entitlement.
My apathy.
Your lawless measures.
My code of conduct.
Your lurking around and stealing glances.
Your trails and ambushes.
My disinterested forwardness.
Your emptiness.
My chaos.
Your ugliness.
My ugliness.
How you think I'm "good enough"
How I know that you are no good.
The way I still want you, nonetheless.
Want you.
Want you.
Want you.
In bright days and sleepless nights.
In busy outings and lonely evenings.
They way I can't stand your sight and turn away.
I chose this anarchy of feelings.
When I know that a black hole would stop this whole madness.
Because chaos is beautiful.
And its the only thing beautiful about us.
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