Kaskazi

I walked towards my car
It was a long day
Fuming with disappointments
And stolen wishes
My patched arm was aching
And the drum in my chest sounded too loud
It's a common side effect, I was told
I reached for the handle
Someone called out my name from afar

"RAWAN!"

I turned, scared to my bones
It's never a good thing to be called out to
On a Thursday night
By a panting creature
With murky features
"Finally !", they steamed
The face manifested from the darkness, familiar
To my disappointment
"I saw your car around,
And waited for you to come down
Your habits never change, I see
Been following you around
You always managed to evade me
I needed to ask you

What's going on ?



You wouldn't talk to me."



What's going on, you say



I was all the while petrified
Trying to count how many days it's been
Since we last talked
What's going on ,indeed ?

I said I was sorry, for the trouble
That I was in a hurry and this could be put on hold

Another habit that never changed
I apologize, before I bolt
Ours is a peculiar breed, see
I don't remember the reason for my aversion
Only a faint taste of bitterness on my slacking tongue
Bits of dissolved pride
You are out of breath, like always
And too blunt and impatient when it comes to your ends
That's what I liked about you
And that's what I loath about you

What's going on is that i realized during a meal
That I try just too hard
To revive my wriggling bonds
That I think I'm justified to abscond
When all is said and done
Extracted from one's side
My existence, a benevolent tumor
When I decide to leave
Pack my suits of care and good humor
And turn my back to you
I pace calmly, and I carry no rags of guilt
You find it strange because you don't know
How easy it is to let go
When you've always been this light
What's going on is that
All my life, I never tied a string
Only got entangled to the crowns of trees
While I floated
Got my heart bloated by air
Trying to get heavier
They only kept me down for the length
Of a spring, these extended twigs
And all my life, I found it much easier

To run away from the wave
As it came

Have it break my spine 
Than burn my lungs
Being a martyr was never my kink
What's going on is that not for once have I been chased after 
When I ran away
And this is a dire strait
Blood seemed to burst in opposite directions through my veins
And the neurons in my brain were stopped frozen
Too occupied to craft an excuse
Waiting for me to speak, your lips pursed

I thought you didn't care

You could've called
You are making a scene
I was just tired of you
This is what I do
You didn't read the small print
It's not me, it's all you
It's all you
This experiment was too long
I'm too busy fighting this chaos of feels
Inside of me

To be fighting for someone else

And would you understand?

That it's never a single crack in a keel
What sinks the ship
That I never asked you to change
Because I wouldn't change for you
And you would've loathed me because I
Tried to force you into a mold
A fancy block print on my portfolio
Your countenance darkened like a burnt bulb
When I turned to leave
"There she goes again."
I bid you goodbyes with promises to explain
And rushed back home
To pack my case
At daybreak, like I always do
I ran away
This time to a place where you can't find me.