Severance

I forgive all
I tell myself on breezy afternoons
And sometimes when i'm making jokes to myself and smiling like
A fool, I
Miss you, badly
Before I have to remind myself that you've had your chances
To earn your place on my list of concerns
I fail to remember that I'm ought to forget
More
Alas, I forget none
It's both my blight and boon
Please close the door on your way out, I
Don't wish to burn bridges, it's just
That the rustling of the hem of your absence brings gusts of winter
You decide to place yourself first but you turn to scoff and find
That no one is standing behind
You and the grunts of sordid realization muddles

With the ripples of higher questions on the merit of petty gestures 

And the brevity of existence
Bland Thursdays, nameless numbers
Truant mutuals, empty conversations with strangers
You wonder, as you wander
Is it you ? That drops folks like the dead skin of a boa
When it becomes more weight than glory
Is it they ?
Always too cruel
Forever unworthy
The secret agent of probable outcome shrugged his shoulders
And lit a pipe
Drew a long breath
I thought I needed to clad my heart in boulder, as I grew
Older
Seems that I need to learn the art of softness
All over again.

Bedelia

I never lie,
I obfuscate
If you know my person you could tell that I seldom
Go past the prelude when I read aloud what's on my mind,
It's hard to explain the sweet delight in telling
The truth laced in brass satire and
Shifting metaphors that it would forget
How its own face looks like

A lie more truthful than truth itself
Truly, the invention of lying was a major waste of imagination

When one could uglify the truth naked

It would barf at its reflection in the mirror
Lo, if my whimsical feats confuse you
It's because they defy rhyme and reason out of utter spite
If my midnight rhapsodies lose you it's because
Sometimes I say things for the sole purpose of clearing some

Space in my head so I could sleep in peace
And it's in your very best interest to not waste your efforts trying to understand,
Even I have stopped trying, after a while
I bear no guile intentions, as I instigate perplexity
And I don't stand contemplating the complexity of the
Ripples my plunged feet has caused
It's a product of lightness, rather than condescension, really
But that's a glutinous thought for another idle night, beloved.

 

 

 

“— seeks the storm As though the storm contained repose.”
And in a leonine voice he cries defiantly:
“Let the storm rage with greater force and fury!”

I'm terribly sorry.

Criminal

I'm sorry that I broke you
Would like to say accidentally but I knew it was
Bound to end thus, when you ran away first
You gave me the power to hurt you
I'm not good with delicate men, see, I'm a bold lass
I'm sorry
That I stole the little faith
You had in good things happening to
Those who wait
Good things evade those who wait
And run towards those who would stoop to conquer them
Clutch at their throat into submission
Good things happen to those who seek
And I'm sorry that I
Didn't care enough to apologize properly
You will never know that I am sorry
Perhaps I am not
I'm too self-centered to mind the world as I tiptoe around chagrin
And I tried to soften your edges
I didn't know where my indifference hit you
Because I was busy covering my eyes from the impact, see
I've learnt that silence cuts deeper than words, sometimes
And no matter how much I tried to beat myself up with the whips of guilt
My only crime was that I did nothing
A bottle of silence
Convoluted, and half full
You say I contain magic but these fumes dwelling in my empty quarters would occasionally seep, if left in the dark
And they will manage to suffocate your virgin heart if you stay too close
Beloved, my indifferent grin, though brief and cautious, only seemed to have sprinkled salt and sawdust on your unevenness
As I sawed down the last bridge you stopped at its feet, too scared to cross, see I
Don't like dwelling on what pains my nerves ,I
Wring them plenty when I ram the strings of our conversations
Trying to make music of your broken sentences and nervous gestures
You are making things harder by
Crashing on the corner-most easy chair in my mind
Pigmenting my days with consciousness
Making my shadow heavier
Kindly leave, after sweeping off
Your cigarette butts
And waving into thinness the whiffs of your rancid cologne.

This spot is reserved
For another vagrant of the night
That knows better not to knock.

I wonder when is it that I started to
Seek so many ends at the same time
Randomly hug my mother a bit too tight while passing her by and stuff my day to repletion with things to do
Smile at strangers and text first
Ignore offenses and speak my mind
Perhaps it was when I bailed out on our plans and
You passed away, not long after
An unanswered text on your phone
There is so much living to be done on your behalf
So many calls to make
So many hugs to give
So many jokes to to tell, comic books to read
So many Friday prayers
So many paintings to look at, good music and pates and fireworks on new year's and silly commercials to laugh at
I push to the back of my mind the futility of it all as I hasten to live and hurry to feel, tell me
What is the story of the world ?
Do we live as if death is sniffing at one's earlobes at every moment or
Do we live as if death was an invention
Immortals, basking in the glory of forevers and next times?

Leviathan

There is a hint of the tragic and inevitable when two beings of a kind, happen to find their way through the thickets of life towards the burning zest of  mutual attraction, a prelude to a Dostoyevskian novel
I wish I had your boldness
So much trust in your heart being able to stitch itself again and again
Though missing pieces you gladly gave away as a price  for the sour sweet memories,
Like the martyr you are
You tripped many a time and still persevered, walking right back into the storm they call ardor
I could never learn to do that, no matter how many years have passed
I know my heart is too frail to handle the whimsical shifts of gale, I wouldn't dare
Try it, I
Spoil my own like a Chinese vase
You loved her like a raging hurricane, your entire soul at stake, your might
Your youth
Your softness that lies beneath layers of assumed apathy
She was flickering flames you couldn't
Touch, so you tried to quell like the habit of
All the aqueous beings
The Mind versus Heart is such a sour affair
 I'm a still pond of reveries and idle musings, full to the brim with inner conflicts and interrupted conversations with the sublime and fathomless
We stand at two edges of the world
A rift in between
And sometimes I feel that this pilgrimage of predilection that you made
Is a muffled cry for help
See, the worst trap for a broken person
Is being needed
 I don't believe in stars nor do I care for  the science of chemistry
But I still knew, the way one knows their own limbs in the dark
This madness was not a summer rush, beloved
As well as you knew who I am, behind this armor of indifference, behind all the insolence and shrugs
How strange
People like to answer the calls of vertigo despite themselves
It's in our bones
See, I won't stop you,
But you will get too close and I'll push you away
You will find this colorlessness too convenient, and blend with me in ways I won't accept because
I wouldn't be able to reverse
I know that you understand
It's because you do that I can't keep up my pretences and
It makes me feel weak
The kind of weak that makes me shrivel in loathing and hurt pride
I may not give you my hand as you cling to the chasm that is the contrast between our worldly views
But please, do take better care of your heart
There are more like me in the world
And they tend to swallow your kind whole.