الأربعاء، 2 مايو 2018

Leviathan


There is a hint of the tragic and inevitable when two beings of a kind, happen to find their way through the thickets of life towards the burning zest of  mutual attraction, a prelude to a Dostoyevskian novel
I wish I had your boldness
So much trust in your heart being able to stitch itself again and again
Though missing pieces you gladly gave away as a price  for the sour sweet memories,
Like the martyr you are
You tripped many a time and still persevered, walking right back into the storm they call ardor
I could never learn to do that, no matter how many years have passed
I know my heart is too frail to handle the whimsical shifts of gale, I wouldn't dare
Try it, I
Spoil my own like a Chinese vase
You loved her like a raging hurricane, your entire soul at stake, your might
Your youth
Your softness that lies beneath layers of assumed apathy
She was flickering flames you couldn't
Touch, so you tried to quell like the habit of
All the aqueous beings
The Mind versus Heart is such a sour affair
 I'm a still pond of reveries and idle musings, full to the brim with inner conflicts and interrupted conversations with the sublime and fathomless
We stand at two edges of the world
A rift in between
And sometimes I feel that this pilgrimage of predilection that you made
Is a muffled cry for help
See, the worst trap for a broken person
Is being needed
 I don't believe in stars nor do I care for  the science of chemistry
But I still knew, the way one knows their own limbs in the dark
This madness was not a summer rush, beloved
As well as you knew who I am, behind this armor of indifference, behind all the insolence and shrugs
How strange
People like to answer the calls of vertigo despite themselves
It's in our bones
See, I won't stop you,
But you will get too close and I'll push you away
You will find this colorlessness too convenient, and blend with me in ways I won't accept because
I wouldn't be able to reverse
I know that you understand
It's because you do that I can't keep up my pretences and
It makes me feel weak
The kind of weak that makes me shrivel in loathing and hurt pride
I may not give you my hand as you cling to the chasm that is the contrast between our worldly views
But please, do take better care of your heart
There are more like me in the world
And they tend to swallow your kind whole.

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