"Naze Da ?"

She said, why do you hug your mother
Thus
We will be back before the night
Falls  upon us and she misses you yet

Well,
Death isn't that courteous to wait

Until it's visiting hours
But that is not a line to be said
During such a pleasant day



I wanted to disappear

In a bleak term of my gauche youth, gentle spirit
But I
I was just a child
Didn't know what death smelt like
Before I ran out of tears for the first time
And learnt too late that the dead

Don't care for the whines and wrings

How could I be such an ingrate
Finding romance in eternal quietness
When to be alive turned out to be this sweet
Sweet
Though sour at some bites
I once knew a boy that lost his mother
He was her only son, the wings she didn't have
He used to yell on the phone that he won't be late
And to be left alone for he's out having fun
He's dead inside
Now
She passed away while
He was away
He
Hits the wall with his head, in a spasm
His kin stopped trying to understand
See, you can't kill regret by self laceration

He still jokes around and smokes just the same

But I could see a darkness dwelling between his brows

At odd times

And his smile is crooked it spills angst and wishes of death
Everywhere

He's gone
While still there

A shell of a person and plenty of white hairs
Marrows tired before their time, not a single care
Skin over bones, no rage
No sorrows

Infinite emptiness

Broken knows broken, see


I wanted to disappear

But I was just a child with mindful eyes
Felt too much when I felt too little
One's tragedy outweighs the world
When they haven't held another's
In their arms

How could I be so ungrateful
Running away from home
When it was everything that some broken spirit
Has ever prayed for
Somewhere
At some time
I stole love like I'd steal cookies
So many jars under my bed
An abysmal hole in my chest
And no stars were shining in my sky
Only darkness
A virgin candle in my hand

If you must know,
I hug my mother like it's the last time
Long after I've healed my brokenness
For all the motherless shadows of people
That gone out the door without hugging their mothers
For the last time.

Letter From Secret Santa

"
Dear Soft Spirit,

You don't know me
I don't know you either
But how much do we know about anyone
At all ?
One spends years and years inside their own skin
And still wakes up surprised, on a pleasant morning
A new flower has blossomed
In the garden of their soul
Flourishes for a day,
Before it decays along with the sunset
You wanted to fix the world,
But dear child, the world isn't broken
Some of us think that it doesn't even twirl
So let us say that it is already fixed
We are mere instruments
With thoughts, and roller coasters of emotions
Some flesh and bones, dreams and
Disappointments
Too many rose beds of our own
To tend
That we may not have the time to lend a helping hand
Nurturing vitality in someone else's
I pray, as I look at all these flowers in yours
That you never have to fix your broken heart
In this life.


P.S : Bananas are boss fruits, how dare you?

"

Claire de Lune II

How small we are,
Disarmingly artless
These pavements look too neat
As I walk
We've come a long way
I crush the fallen leaves beneath my feet
As if they were the last of the hurdles
I had to vanquish
Before I could be
Air burns through my nostrils
Winter is here, for a few days
He fumbled for a lighter in his pockets
The night was young
It was a full moon, and the stars
Revealed their glow in full bloom
How small,
We are, indeed
Trapped in a cage
We built to hide from the monsters
Gnawing at our souls
Since the inception
I remember when I lost my mind
For the first time
So much sense lies within reach
Once you stumble upon the edge,
A wise man to your left
An unlit cigar between his lips
Silence beneath the dome
Where poetry is woven
Grubs on a leaf, we are
Erudite, never, as we scramble for a few bites
And four walls we call home
The profoundest of beliefs are the ones
We could chew away without pains
Someone once said that the moon
Was a perished sun
And ever since then there was a bitterness in my throat
A compelled apology of a lover, at nightfall
When I watched the sun set
How could we call it a thief, that silent rock
That was older than sin
When all this time, it was a martyr ?
The lesser light, the middle son
The gendarme of the night; its glory stolen
Its part of the story, hitherto
Forgone.

It finally rained
On my birthday.




I wonder what strangers think
Watching this girl spinning around
Arms wide open
As if she wanted to hug the clouds

Or drench her soul

A phoenix dies in the flames
From it emerges anew
Glorious
And ablaze

Perhaps, I dissolve in the rain
And rise up a new person
With the lasting dew.

2\\

تجمدت متفرسة نتاج ساعتين من الإنحناء

غريبان يدندان في سلام

سكن بثقل المجرات يكسو أطراف أصابعي

و كأنما مسست الليل بداخلي وهلة

"ثمة شيء ناقص، ماذا تظن ؟"

"إنها مكتملة"

"لكنها لا تشبهني"

"يقولون أن خطوط الفحم تضفي 25 عاماً

إنها أنت من المستقبل، لكنك لم تتغيري كثيراً"

"وأنت لم تتغير أبداً"

"لقد فات الأوان

على أن أغير وجهي"

لا أعلم كثيرا عن الجمال

سماء صافية، كلمات تنساب من حنايا الروح

سلسبيلاً

لحظة سلام قبيل الغروب

النظر إلى المحبوب، أخبرته أن ذلك ما يعنيه إسمي

ذاك الغريب، قال إنه اسم جميل

عيناه كانتا بلون الهال

نادراً ما رأيت هذا اللون في غير لوحة 

قال إنه احترف الرسم ليغير الواقع

لأن الواقع مليء بالعيوب

لم أصححه

صدقاً، تعبت من الغرباء والأحباب

يتسكعون في ثياب رثة وكأنها تقليعة دارجة

لست مغرمة بنفسي

ولكنني أحبها بما يكفي لألا أعرض عوراتها

تحت نور الشمس، مثل ذنب الملحد

"لديك وجه حسن، يا سيدي

عيناك نادرتان، مما سمعت ،لديك قلب وكيع

وأيضاً، صوتك يتفكك مثل الجليد على بحيرة

في بواكير الربيع

عندما اميل للأمام لكي أفهم ما تقول

إنني أعطيك كل حواسي

كأنما أستمع لسوناتا وترية قبل أن أحاول عزفها

لماذا تصمت لحظة كأن الحديث عبء كبير ؟

كأن أفكارك في بئر عميقة

وفي جلبها من القاع اضمحلال نصف الدلو ؟"

في أحيان كثيرة لا أقول شيئاً

لأن عبء القول أثقل من فراغ الصمت

أبتسم، بسذاجة الطفل الذي لا يفقه ترتيب الكلام

لعل ما أرسمه على وجهي لا يفتقر إلى تفسير

لا أعلم كثيراُ عن الجمال، ربما ما أفعله في وقت فراغي

مضيعة للوقت، إن كنت لا أعلم كثيراُ عن الجمال

لكنك إنسان جميل

قبل سنتين أخبرتني بأن الفن يظهر الأشخاص على حقيقتهم

وان فني كان جميلاً

وفي ذلك اليوم كتبت عن الفراشات والأعاصير

في ذلك اليوم أردت للمرة الأولى أن أترك ميراثا جميلاً

لأنني أعرف الكثير من الاشخاص من مثلك

أشخاص يصنعون ثوب الجمال ولا يرتدونه

أشخاص يعثرون على الجواهر في الثرى

و يمنحونها هبة لعابري السبيل

لست امرأة جميلة، أيها الغريب ذو الكلام المعسول

بيد أني قد تقبلت عيوبي ولم أعد أراها

ف لم تعد تراها.

1\\

أبتسم دائماً عندما يخبرني رجل بأنني جميلة

ليس حياء ، أو امتناناً

ابتسامة بما معناه "أنت الرابع هذا الأسبوع"

نفحات من "أعلم، رأيت وجهي في المرآة قبل خروجي" 

قليل من "ألم يكتب الشعراء أبلغ من ذلك في بند التودد؟"

ابتسامة في طياتها "و بعد؟"

 ماذا جنت امرأة جميلة من الكون غير الكلام المعسول

و النهايات الحزينة؟

Muscle Memory

Today I've been feeling off
One of these moods
When nothing is wrong except your being stuck
In a reel, waiting for a fire to break out
So you could break away
It's humid outside, in bloody November
And I've got time till my cup grows cold
He said he was not dressed for the occasion
Dusty flip flops were on his feet and I smiled
Son, you carry yourself just fine
For a boy unprepared
I ran away, naturally
Stood at the door for a while to sign farewell
But nobody turned to look, regrettably
I left, without any good byes
It's become my kink
It's been really strange, all day
Never looked at the sky once
It still never rained, in bloody November
Been trying to call a few on the phone
But none gone through
I think I've been seeking help
For a scourge unknown, yet to befall me
And something was scratching inside
Had to plunge into the pits of slumber
So I ran as fast as I could

Oblivion is how I get through my rues

This feels familiar

Sometime ago, I wrote about it even
And I slept like a child, on a wet pillow
Woke up a new person, in a different place
In a different time, a whiff of a nightmare clinging to my lashes
Eternal sunshine on my spotless mind
What was it that made me want to delve
Towards a far deeper oblivion
On one foggy night, long forgotten ?
On another plane of existence perhaps I wanted to erase
This day, perhaps it's why it doesn't feel right
This reel ,broken, and squeaking

Why is it that my tears overflow when I couldn't put a finger
On the woe ?


What did I forget to remember ?


Whatever it is that put a crack in my chest
Right here in this sealed car
On the same hour
On the same day
In the same corner
I couldn't tell

What is it that I refused to remember ?

But my body still did ?

Trembled with rage, at my failed retention
Shrunk in cut pride
What a disgrace, my inattention

Why do these tears burn hotter than those of heartbreak

I still remembered heartbreak

And of this novel affliction I recall none

The body remembers the pain, strangely, doesn't it
The body remembers the strain on its bones
When this weight decides to roost
The body still remembers and all your limbs whisper in one breath
When you try to gather your parts
Hug your shivering arms and tighten your insides
As you dart away from a bullying reminder

"You
Don't get to walk away
From this."

How did my body still mourn you
When my heart learnt how to live
Without the memory of you ?