For You In Full Blossom IX

Strange..
We never talk about mutual sentiments; being strong ,self-made individuals that met upon the cross line and thought we would make a power duo.
It's also strange how we silently shook hands on that agreement without having to disclose its clauses.
But you have me on speed dial and it makes my heart warm to know that my company calms you, even if it's just to keep the dark thoughts away.
It kinda makes me ...happy.... that my presence in your life is the same as a paper weight. Though light myself. Guess we keep each others aground with the weight of shared compassion.
I try not to be reliant but...as funny as that sounds, i'm growing old, and i'm growing wan with age, it seems.
I'm 24, and I think I entered my Fall.
Yes indeed. But your existence makes that entrance more... elegant..and worth the while.
See, I think there is still much to life; I'm not a cynic; and all seasons are equally graceful so this is not at all an implication that I have an old spirit.
It's just a metaphor. You know how much I like these.

Do I wish i stumbled upon you earlier ?

Yeah. I regret not being in the funny stories you tell me over a Mac & Cheese.
Or when I take you some where nice and you remember who else used to go to such places with you. And it makes me a bit jealous that I couldn't..
Do you think that's a bit desperate ? I wouldn't mind your thinking so.

That all doesn't matter; I say I like dabbing your sore wounds with feathers of care; as you bare yourself in front of me. It's not that I like your being weak because it makes the phoenix of my ego flourish in flare. I only like that you think you could trust me; because you aren't wrong. Souls in their mid autumn don't have the energy to roll in circles of deceit and betrayal.

Though it seems you think this arrangement works if I ventured to empty my bottomless sack of thoughts..and sins..broken tooth-picks of trust when bent.
One by one.

I don't have these.
Not quite; I have nothing to conceal that I'd be afraid to tell you back; I just don't think it all matters; being in the past. Exchanged secrets are not empty signed checks you could use when the need arises.

Perhaps you wonder why I'm never on the passenger side, don't you?

Even when I am, I'm not.

I never tell you what you really want to hear. And it seems after 3 years you've grown too tired of trying to coax me into opening up my heart; of telling me that you are all ears if I wanted to vent.
Do I think that I'm too good at fixing everyone's wreckage that no one else could fix mine if I failed ? Perhaps I do.

When I'm broken, I write.
And it puts the shattered pieces back, momentarily.
When I'm dejected I take an un-sharpened pencil and try not to make that face as gloomy as mine.

When I feel deceived by life I turn around and walk back the way I came from.
When the day is too long I'd sink to oblivion, and the sun rays of the next day would melt it all..
And when that sun rises, I turn to God; and it makes me feel whole. Once again.

I don't need you to fix me; I'm not broken.
Not the same way as you are.

I'm never on the passenger side, even when I am,
Because my sorrows aren't the type that go away with my breath as I utter them in a shivering hiss.
And you started to notice my proud repulsion in my moments of dire weakness, yet it never seems that you will ever get used to this.

It's nothing personal;
But I guess
When it comes to that it's always personal

Are you going to leave as well because I won't let you in ?