I'm hyperventilating at this dark hour because I'm stopped in motion and life is slipping away too fast
Shivering in this heat
Heaps of books and an old Orchid to keep me company
Neo Jazz and flowing poetry
And it dawned on me that it's time to stop saying No and give it another chance
It's been happening a lot, this courting thing, but I'm not sure
I'm afraid that I lost the willingness to give and reach out
And the patience to endure
I've endured long when I'm this young and the mere thought of its continuity is
Unbearable
I'm entrusted by expectations bigger than my age
They never looked my way 6 months ago, and now he wants to tip the hat he doesn't have
I'm moving on in an alarming pace I might feel ahead and entitled to go
I want to go, I need to go
But a lot of people would kill to be in my place
My muscles hurt, all of them
Extensive exercise and extensive reading
He no longer mocks me, ol'man, but treats me like a peer
He says "brilliant" more often
And it scares me
I feel kinda dead inside and so full of life at the same time
When I'm around people
I talk to God after each prayer but I still feel too far from Him during the day
I want to hide from the world but I'm told that I make it tolerable
My phone rings a lot for a socially anxious person
He lurks at the parking lot when he doesn't need to
He follows me home when he has no business doing so
He never talks to me
I should be scared but I understand. And I don't care
I find solace in loneliness and loud company alike
Baskin Robins at 1:31 am
Hottest summer of my life.
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