The Woman That Was Afraid

12.02.17

In cold nights she sleeps with her back facing the wall

She knew

The crawlers of the dark like to chew on tender marrows
And her bent spine 

The safe of her heaviness 

And mellow reveries 

Was her weakest post
"Tonight she lies tucked away in her own darkness

The longing she carries stained the bed

As the weight of her emptiness rested heavy 

On her chest

She's wide awake

Wet with longing

Capable of every thing but sleep"
Seems the lord of slumber has sent an apostle 

Rested by her head 

Made a nest of her pillow side

She never dared to look
Her moribund terrors were awaken

He said in a sneer 

"Surrender to my claws 

All it is that you fear."

"New ones awaken

Fear of what could happen
If she surrenders her fears, 

And more fear of what will happened

If she disobeys

"What prayer shall I recite now 

To get out of here? 

What will now become of me?"

She asked an earthquake of questions troubling her bed"

"I'm not afraid at all", 

She uttered

The owl started to pick on her ear 

Basely plucked a few strands of her hair 

She shrunk
"At the darkest hour", her words spilled like cold water 

"A whisperer calls when I'm about to fall
Tried to look in vain for the source 

Searched every nook in my brain 

Perhaps
It was a voice deep within my soul"
"I'm ready to die but death won't come

And life is here but I can't go

My soul is leg in, leg out
My breath isn't an exhale it's escaping my lungs

I'm wrapped in nothingness

I'm drunk on hollowness"
I'm afraid of things I can't name or touch.

Yet can't blame them for none of this chaos
Are they tremors of ecstasy or clutches of terror 

That shook the pillars of this feeble being 

Into an endless state of vigil
Is it the hunger for living 

Or the pine the resided within my core

 That calls in the still of the night 

Am I Afraid to die ?

Or am I still even more 

Afraid to live ?

Coruscāre

It must be my fate
Being drawn to men cut of the same mold
Afloat
So unfair, aren't we
Running around carrying the hearts
We learnt to snatch out of habit
Survival instincts
In a world made of sticks and card boards
Words are nothing but smoke
So I trained my eyes to speak along with
My parted lips
You served truths and lies whipped so well
That one had to watch you closely
Before they could tell
And I never meant to peek too far
It's just the way that I am
Turning stones that sat funny
And I never meant to daunt you
Peer behind screens and cracked doors
Upon your unclad skin
I took to my feet
When you turned my way
And ever since then you have been ashamed
And it was never the same
I ran away
And you never moved

I came back because I couldn't escape




Hey,
Aren't you tired ?

Because I am
How many years it has been
Since I was smitten
There was light as much as there
Was murk emanating
From the depths of your skin
And you glowed
In the dark
Like a third sun
Aren't you tired of being afraid?
Hiding behind metaphors
Pretty words breathed into the crisp air
Of the night
To woo a pretty woman
You thought you didn't deserve
Aren't you tired of coming up with lie
After lie
To hide a shy truth
Ache crawling beneath your skin
Eating you up from within
When you had all
But the relish of your youth
Aren't you tired of wronging the words ?
Sacrificing ballads at the altar of
Self gratification
Because I am
We chose to hide our flaws and the beautiful
Birth marks of our souls

Don't break the rules

The sun and the moon
Could never be together
Chasing one another
And although with the sweetness of warmth
They both quiver and shrink
There is envy and a billow of bitterness
Left in their trails
And they could never share a kiss, alas !
Lest the world plunges into obscurity
An eclipse of eternal predilection
Unquenched
We are both made of water
And yet afraid to swim
Someone once wrote that the sea is black
And it just reflects the sky
But how could you absorb the light
And reflect it just the same
So well
Being made colorless
While making the world colorful ?

"Naze Da ?"

She said, why do you hug your mother
Thus
We will be back before the night
Falls  upon us and she misses you yet

Well,
Death isn't that courteous to wait

Until it's visiting hours
But that is not a line to be said
During such a pleasant day



I wanted to disappear

In a bleak term of my gauche youth, gentle spirit
But I
I was just a child
Didn't know what death smelt like
Before I ran out of tears for the first time
And learnt too late that the dead

Don't care for the whines and wrings

How could I be such an ingrate
Finding romance in eternal quietness
When to be alive turned out to be this sweet
Sweet
Though sour at some bites
I once knew a boy that lost his mother
He was her only son, the wings she didn't have
He used to yell on the phone that he won't be late
And to be left alone for he's out having fun
He's dead inside
Now
She passed away while
He was away
He
Hits the wall with his head, in a spasm
His kin stopped trying to understand
See, you can't kill regret by self laceration

He still jokes around and smokes just the same

But I could see a darkness dwelling between his brows

At odd times

And his smile is crooked it spills angst and wishes of death
Everywhere

He's gone
While still there

A shell of a person and plenty of white hairs
Marrows tired before their time, not a single care
Skin over bones, no rage
No sorrows

Infinite emptiness

Broken knows broken, see


I wanted to disappear

But I was just a child with mindful eyes
Felt too much when I felt too little
One's tragedy outweighs the world
When they haven't held another's
In their arms

How could I be so ungrateful
Running away from home
When it was everything that some broken spirit
Has ever prayed for
Somewhere
At some time
I stole love like I'd steal cookies
So many jars under my bed
An abysmal hole in my chest
And no stars were shining in my sky
Only darkness
A virgin candle in my hand

If you must know,
I hug my mother like it's the last time
Long after I've healed my brokenness
For all the motherless shadows of people
That gone out the door without hugging their mothers
For the last time.

Letter From Secret Santa

"
Dear Soft Spirit,

You don't know me
I don't know you either
But how much do we know about anyone
At all ?
One spends years and years inside their own skin
And still wakes up surprised, on a pleasant morning
A new flower has blossomed
In the garden of their soul
Flourishes for a day,
Before it decays along with the sunset
You wanted to fix the world,
But dear child, the world isn't broken
Some of us think that it doesn't even twirl
So let us say that it is already fixed
We are mere instruments
With thoughts, and roller coasters of emotions
Some flesh and bones, dreams and
Disappointments
Too many rose beds of our own
To tend
That we may not have the time to lend a helping hand
Nurturing vitality in someone else's
I pray, as I look at all these flowers in yours
That you never have to fix your broken heart
In this life.


P.S : Bananas are boss fruits, how dare you?

"

Claire de Lune II

How small we are,
Disarmingly artless
These pavements look too neat
As I walk
We've come a long way
I crush the fallen leaves beneath my feet
As if they were the last of the hurdles
I had to vanquish
Before I could be
Air burns through my nostrils
Winter is here, for a few days
He fumbled for a lighter in his pockets
The night was young
It was a full moon, and the stars
Revealed their glow in full bloom
How small,
We are, indeed
Trapped in a cage
We built to hide from the monsters
Gnawing at our souls
Since the inception
I remember when I lost my mind
For the first time
So much sense lies within reach
Once you stumble upon the edge,
A wise man to your left
An unlit cigar between his lips
Silence beneath the dome
Where poetry is woven
Grubs on a leaf, we are
Erudite, never, as we scramble for a few bites
And four walls we call home
The profoundest of beliefs are the ones
We could chew away without pains
Someone once said that the moon
Was a perished sun
And ever since then there was a bitterness in my throat
A compelled apology of a lover, at nightfall
When I watched the sun set
How could we call it a thief, that silent rock
That was older than sin
When all this time, it was a martyr ?
The lesser light, the middle son
The gendarme of the night; its glory stolen
Its part of the story, hitherto
Forgone.

It finally rained
On my birthday.




I wonder what strangers think
Watching this girl spinning around
Arms wide open
As if she wanted to hug the clouds

Or drench her soul

A phoenix dies in the flames
From it emerges anew
Glorious
And ablaze

Perhaps, I dissolve in the rain
And rise up a new person
With the lasting dew.

2\\

تجمدت متفرسة نتاج ساعتين من الإنحناء

غريبان يدندان في سلام

سكن بثقل المجرات يكسو أطراف أصابعي

و كأنما مسست الليل بداخلي وهلة

"ثمة شيء ناقص، ماذا تظن ؟"

"إنها مكتملة"

"لكنها لا تشبهني"

"يقولون أن خطوط الفحم تضفي 25 عاماً

إنها أنت من المستقبل، لكنك لم تتغيري كثيراً"

"وأنت لم تتغير أبداً"

"لقد فات الأوان

على أن أغير وجهي"

لا أعلم كثيرا عن الجمال

سماء صافية، كلمات تنساب من حنايا الروح

سلسبيلاً

لحظة سلام قبيل الغروب

النظر إلى المحبوب، أخبرته أن ذلك ما يعنيه إسمي

ذاك الغريب، قال إنه اسم جميل

عيناه كانتا بلون الهال

نادراً ما رأيت هذا اللون في غير لوحة 

قال إنه احترف الرسم ليغير الواقع

لأن الواقع مليء بالعيوب

لم أصححه

صدقاً، تعبت من الغرباء والأحباب

يتسكعون في ثياب رثة وكأنها تقليعة دارجة

لست مغرمة بنفسي

ولكنني أحبها بما يكفي لألا أعرض عوراتها

تحت نور الشمس، مثل ذنب الملحد

"لديك وجه حسن، يا سيدي

عيناك نادرتان، مما سمعت ،لديك قلب وكيع

وأيضاً، صوتك يتفكك مثل الجليد على بحيرة

في بواكير الربيع

عندما اميل للأمام لكي أفهم ما تقول

إنني أعطيك كل حواسي

كأنما أستمع لسوناتا وترية قبل أن أحاول عزفها

لماذا تصمت لحظة كأن الحديث عبء كبير ؟

كأن أفكارك في بئر عميقة

وفي جلبها من القاع اضمحلال نصف الدلو ؟"

في أحيان كثيرة لا أقول شيئاً

لأن عبء القول أثقل من فراغ الصمت

أبتسم، بسذاجة الطفل الذي لا يفقه ترتيب الكلام

لعل ما أرسمه على وجهي لا يفتقر إلى تفسير

لا أعلم كثيراُ عن الجمال، ربما ما أفعله في وقت فراغي

مضيعة للوقت، إن كنت لا أعلم كثيراُ عن الجمال

لكنك إنسان جميل

قبل سنتين أخبرتني بأن الفن يظهر الأشخاص على حقيقتهم

وان فني كان جميلاً

وفي ذلك اليوم كتبت عن الفراشات والأعاصير

في ذلك اليوم أردت للمرة الأولى أن أترك ميراثا جميلاً

لأنني أعرف الكثير من الاشخاص من مثلك

أشخاص يصنعون ثوب الجمال ولا يرتدونه

أشخاص يعثرون على الجواهر في الثرى

و يمنحونها هبة لعابري السبيل

لست امرأة جميلة، أيها الغريب ذو الكلام المعسول

بيد أني قد تقبلت عيوبي ولم أعد أراها

ف لم تعد تراها.