"Anarchy"
Is such a copious word.
I think that's the perfect adjective to describe my current life. I have no recognition of any authority in flesh, and it makes me feel liberated.
It's not...I don't have a despondency for revolution, it's just that I don't like someone chalking the path I need to follow.
"Have to", "Must", "obliged", "Supposed to", these words make me cringe. Inwardly. They make me feel like a prisoner. Like I got no grip on my own life. Iron shackles on my ankles.
A friend of mine once mentioned that this perhaps is due to my struggle at the beginning of my adulthood ..Though I didn't struggle much in the general sense, I could relate to some extent, for there are certain tribulations that make one develop an innate feeling of arrogance ; more accurately, some sort of indifference to whatever shots fired at them later on. I've seen it all already, and people don't surprise me much anymore. Though I'm still a green horn, I've felt things that changed me in ways I can't describe, and seeing that i came through, I no longer allow anyone to make me feel like I'm wanting, like I did it with the aid of luck or pity. It's true that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and makes you look down on it as you stand erect in full glory, shaking off the rubble of your battles.
If I keep the Lord in my heart, there is no power on this earth that could make me kneel.
I've been called arrogant to my face countless times but I only think it's a kind of self-respect. My way of rewarding myself at my sunken victories, unheard and unwitnessed.
That's the least one owes oneself in this ruthless world that knows no mercy.
If I'm at gunpoint, I'd smile to my cheek bones and kiss the barrel. Pretty poetic and Thespian, I admit, but I know that I'm that kinda person; when push comes to shove I would at least pass on with a dignified air, a grand theatrical act of haughtiness. Prolly would quote Pushkin or say something like, "We shall face again, old sport"
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