"Every time I look at you it makes me sad. You are wasting your youth in here"
I just looked at him in amazement. Even in jest, sometimes you can't accept to brush it off with a laugh. It's too...uhm.. crude.
My fellow male graduate students often express their surprise at my desire to pursue a higher degree, with the prospect of getting a PhD. I used to find it absurd, for though it's true there aren't many females around, there is a substantial group of female engineers that I'm personally acquainted with, and could easily fill a hall, it's not something entirely amazing.
I guess that's just the common mentality in the middle east. Girls shouldn't try hard, not because they can't, but because they don't need to.
See, all a girl has to do in order to survive is rely on a man, be it a blood relation or a husband. A notion i can't argue with, honestly, for I'm deeply aware that women can't survive on their own (as contrary to the impression I give - i'm often called a "feminist" (people nowadays make it sound as an insult of sorts).
-You know she's a feminist.
-*gasps* she must be salty over not finding a man yet
-lolololol
-lolololol
I'm gonna discuss this logically, while trying to contain my disgust and anger.
I just think that times are too hard to rely on one person for financial support and overall stability in the family. It really isn't all about the money , but there are certain situations where you need someone to be supportive of you, for a change, and not wait on your command because they simply don't know how to act, or don't have the means to. Women didn't step out of their role in society, it's the way society is composed that has changed, and we are just trying to cope.
I don't understand men that try to contain women within the borders of the house; don't you feel a tremendous pressure to be successful and to find a high paying job that could support your mother and sisters that are staying home with no income ?
It's true that it's your responsibility; regardless of the fact that in recent times not all men are successfully capable of doing that, and struggle a great deal with debts and shady business to provide for their dependents, let's assume that you managed to get a degree then get a proper job that you think could be a stepping stone to start a family'; isn't it just too huge for you?
Always being on tiptoes, fearing for your position, constantly chases raises and promotions, perhaps even lie and steal to make sure you don't fall into neediness, perhaps getting stuck in a job or an environment that slowly kills you over the years, makes you look 20 years older
Sucks the life of you, because someone else and your herd of kids are entirely dependent on you and have no one else in the world.
It's cool if you want to be the sole provider for your family due to a clear conviction that domestic roles should be properly assigned, but really, there is a slight difference between a sense of duty and egotism. Some species I've encountered don't even feel the need to hide it;
A woman with a job means a woman with liquidation. A woman with free liquidation at her disposal is a powerful woman, and a powerful woman is a woman you can't count on her sticking around if she doesn't like it around.
In some cultures, people (even older women) think that a woman with means of transportation and a busy social calendar have plenty of chances to engage in an affair and do "haram stuff". I wouldn't go into details but I think a woman must be really miserable if she would be spending all her life fishing for an open window to cheat (lol), Just treat yo woman RIGHT, fam, and she would have no reason to go innit?
Did y'all fall so back that we have to financially coerce a woman to guarantee harmony in the household without ever having to put effort in it ?
I've never heard a person repeat aloud that he wishes to struggle outside all day to let his wife enjoy the comfort of having all her wishes and demands satisfied.
We are relieving you from this great burden by supporting ourselves. Of course i'm talking as a daughter, a sister, and a future partner in matrimony.
Being a functional member that could actively take part in making decisions in matters concerning foreign factors, getting a proper education, having an independent source of income, having my own car, and knowing my full rights and being able to get them by law. Going out there and being somebody that isn't defined by my relation to a member of the opposite gender shouldn't be intimidating unless you were planning to oppress me from the start.
It's not even the men in my family that are trying to kill my vibe dammit.
I'm chill.
Moving on.
At times I just have to take a few steps back because all this rejection is so suffocating. When I know very well that in an academic and vocational environment, I have the exact same qualifications and capabilities to be as brilliant. I know it, and I've done it.
It just makes me sad that even the new generation of men is still thinking 20 years back. And this rejection is manifest in many forms; sometimes it's as simple as social rejection in a male dominated territory. Being in a classroom full of males, where you can't even say salutations without having your motives questioned. Of course this is not always the case, I've made a few intimate acquaintances. But I've never been able to work in a team of males without a few uncomfortable situations from the opposite side.
Truth is, I like hanging out with boys my age. It's a fascinating social experiment and I learn a lot about human interaction and social boundaries. At least it has been educating for me; for I often get the impression that a few individuals are very conscious of the fact that we are of different genders and this can only work out if we have a 'thing' going on. Hence the awkward attitude and the verbal mishaps. The raised eyebrows and smirks, the coded inside jokes.
Kids not knowing how to talk to a female they are not courting. Kids thinking that a woman in vicinity is a woman at hand. Kids seriously believing that you can't be friendly without being flirtatiousness they have to always be on their guards "to make the boundaries clear" for their peers to an offensives limit, which backfires so badly. You could smell it in the air, this unpleasant tension; and being among the only one or two females in a hall of +20 makes the pressure unbearable sometimes.
I had to withdraw from two courses at grad school because I couldn't breath. I couldn't tell my academic supervisor that, of course. I would've have faced the same situation at work if most of the men were sent to the offshore site. I'm really glad we don't have to work in teams at the office and rarely ever have the time to socialize.
You may say that I'm being dramatic and I shouldn't pay attention to such trivia when I'm only here to study; but what is a college experience if all it does on a mental level is exhausting you.
I can't change how these kids think; it's not my job. I can't back off to avoid the drama, I need to go places.
I can't change my attitude so as to feel like 'part of the squad' either.
I tried blending in. And I'm tired of trying with no signs of reciprocation from the other side. I just wish to be done with courses as soon as possible so I can work from home until my graduation.
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