You should know,
That when I say I want to savor the rum of life before I have to spill the rest to make room for more water, I mean it in a far deeper way than just wanting to dwell in a drunken state in a failed attempt to escape the inevitable slap of reality; time is ticking away.
I wanna grow old with you, you say.
But I never wanna grow old.
You should know,
That I had to grow up too fast I didn't get to be young while young.
You should know that time only moves on a straight line and a point left behind is a point forgotten.
From now on it's only regret : The things I did, or the things I will never get to do.
You should know that when I say "it's been difficult", I be talking about the tip of an iceberg; there are things you can't discern by just looking; and things I never talk about.
It's too heavy on the tongue to explain, the origin of my immense pain.
You should know that I'm not trying to punish myself or punish you, or punish anyone else that would love to see this through, I just wish to take a long break and figure things out.
What these things are, I don't know
I just wish I'd have the luxury of being selfish. For once. And the comfort of not knowing.
I'm entitled to at least that, grinding thus.
You should know that you are not bound to me in any way, and that if you refuse to accept this package of chaos that comes hanging from the tip of my gown, I only pray for you to find the happiness you earnestly deserve, and I couldn't give to you. To find consolation in another's shoulder, instead of a one constantly falling whenever you try to lay your weight upon them,
I'm not unhappy.
I just wish to be happy ,and getting into a rabbit hole along with another ,when it's too tight for one to begin with,
When I know in the deep of my soul
That I might never make it out the same,
Make my chances of being so, happy, drop to 50% and I'm done gambling..
I'm done dancing waltz with uncertainty.
God sees all,
God knows all. Only He can judge this conviction I made.
It's my sole consolation, believing that I don't need to say it out loud, yet He still understands.
And life wouldn't make sense at all if happiness could be attained by some ,sooner, while others stumble upon it never.
And God is just , therefore He shalt solace the unhappy.
One way or another.
You should know that I don't intend to be your solace in this life just because you think you are entitled to happiness.
We all are, my good friend, but one "can't make homes out of human beings".
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