A Eulogy
I'm not accustomed to crying ,which is why, it seems,My body isn't accustomed to the aftermath of a crying fit
It has gotten so bad recently that my vision blurs for a while
And the headache lasts for a few days..
I dare say this year i cried more than I did in my entire life;
Excluding my few years of infancy
Yesterday, though, i could't breath.
I couldn't see, i couldn't speak, was shivering alone, weak
Gasping for breath in a side parking, holding my phone
News of sudden death hit you hard.
And your instances of contact with the deceased
That have been slowly reducing start to loop in your head
And then come the cycling pangs of guilt and denial
Then a few seconds of regained composure followed by another crumble
Of dementia
I know now ,more than ever
That life is truly too short
To not lay your heart on the table.
And we, humans, are way too weak.
Too weak
Under the hammer of quietus
I wish i stayed in touch, i wish i made the effort;
I wish we talked more, i wish i didn't think of trivialities like prestige and formalities,
I wish i took you up on that offer, instead of playing hard to get
I wish i've been there for you, i wish i dropped by at the hospital
When i was there by chance
I wish i knew..
I wish i got to tell you ,before i brushed it off by saying
"i'm usually weird like that at first encounters";
How I was so jealous of your agleam person,
And your casual jest, and the easiness by which
You could slide into someone's comfort zone
I wish I got to tell you what color your vibe was
I wish i saw through, when you spoke of the simple joys of life
Instead of shrugging your shoulders like the rest of us do
Spreading good vibes and light humor
When i did exactly the opposite because I thought that
My life was the epitome of misery
I wish
I was half as strong and proud as you
Were
Still are
In our memories
In my memory
You said my poetry was beautiful
But it was you; it was you who had a beautiful soul
That could spot grace in pain and revel in it
I wish you could read this
It would have had the least bits of meaning
Had I actually gave you a good piece of my mind instead of
Convincing myself that everything turns out better taking its right pace
That we could take our time to find each other
When the tides have calmed and the clouds in my head have cleared
But you had none
You were leaving
There is no more of you now
And these lines echo constantly in one breath ; too late
Too late.
Too late.
Too late.
I wish you could read this
Or at least that I had the audacity to recite it out loud
In your memory
But i don't think my broken voice and shredded gist would be audible
And it's not my place; there are people that knew you better
And longer
Though it still hurts, I will pray for you instead
Because tears could never condole the dead
November second, 2015, is a celebration of your life, my friend
Not a commemoration of your departure
And may Allah grant you mercy and peace
And the grace of cleansing your soul of mundane sins
The constancy at The Question
And to ever lighten your grave
The way your heart was
I will remember you, mate
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